Choices
by Amaranth01
Summary: Nyota chooses to save herself.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is my very first Star Trek fan fic. This is inspired by two stories dealing with Nyota (Five Times Nyota Refused to be Saved…. & Nyota Chooses Her Destiny) After reading them, I wondered, what would happen if she was transferred? What choices would she make? Just my interpretation of events. Definite respect to the two authors of these stories. They really got my creative juices flowing! I'm not the best at writing, so please forgive me any mistakes in timeline, universes etc. It may be a bit OOC. As always, I own nothing**

**A/N: (update) A few things first:**

**Based on the two stories mentioned, Spock has left Nyota for Kirk after Spock Prime has urged him to do so. In this story Nyota decides to leave. This is the aftermath of their actions. Enjoy!  
**

***************

Nyota stared across the vast expense of space. She had been at this spot more times than she could count, reminiscing, dreaming, and loving. Now, it was simply another spot in a place that held so many bad feelings, hurt and torn emotions whose jagged edges scraped against her consciousness.

She sighed and turned from the sight of so many stars blazing in the distance and returned to packing. She had thought it would be easy to pack all of her memories into bags and leave, but the packing was trying. As her hands brushed against each item, it brought to her memories of her early days with Spock.

She held back tears as she traced delicate fingers across a Vulcan novel that Spock had given to her back on earth. She had loved that book. It was a set of Vulcan love poems and had been written in the oldest dialect of Vulcan. She remembered the look of love upon Spock's face as she had happily accepted the gift. She sighed. He had loved her then. But no longer.

She continued packing and was so engrossed in her actions she didn't hear the sound of someone coming into the room and standing behind her.

"Nyota,"

She turned. Spock Prime. Of course. He had probably accessed the code to her room during their mind meld. She wondered briefly if he was secretly pleased she was leaving.

"What is it? Don't you have what you want?," she held back her anger, though it managed to lace itself around each syllable and the stoic Vulcan stepped back as if he'd been slapped.

"You do not have to leave, Nyota."

"Yes," she told him, "I do."

He said nothing for a moment and simply watched as she shoved items into a bag.

"Nyota, I realize that I've made a tremendous mistake, but do not punish--,"

Her acrid laughter rent the air and she stopped packing to stare at him. "Punish? Who exactly am I _punishing_? You? Kirk? Spock? What have I done to deserve all this?! Can you answer that?"

The elder Vulcan was at a loss for words. It was a strange sensation. He nodded slowly. She was right. She had done nothing wrong.

"You used me. You all did. Spock used me as an excuse to allow himself to feel human. Kirk uses me as his excuse to feel superior and to hide the fact that he's really just some small time jerk that got his position through luck and with a lot of help. And you used me to me to make yourself feel right at home here. After all, who was I except a dull memory that sings, laughs and makes everyone feel merry?"

He reached for her hand and she slapped him away. "No. You do _not_ get to touch me. Not ever again! I am a real person with real ambitions. I realize now that I am more than just a pretty face and a support system for Kirk's bravado. I gave up so much. And I am tired of feeling crappy everyday. I'm tired of Kirk and Spock thinking I've done something wrong and I'm tired of you. I'm tired of all this."

The elder Spock stood silent during her tirade and gave an almost inaudible sigh. A tear trailed down his cheek and he told her sadly, "I will never see you again."

"No, not if I can help it."

"For what it is worth Nyota, I will always consider you a friend."

"Well, don't have any hurt feelings if I don't feel the same way."

Such bitterness. Such pain. Had he truly caused this? Where was the wonderful, warm woman who had served beside him for years? His confidante and friend? Who was this caustic creature who seemed so distant from him? So angry?

He blinked back tears as watched her continue to pack. It was his fault. All of it. He had no idea that he would be the cause of so much turmoil. He was about to speak and then thought better of it. He turned to leave, his feet rushing silently across the floor. She barely looked up as the doors opened and he stepped outside.

*******


	2. Chapter 2

Jim sighed impatiently.

"What's the matter? Is it Uhura?," he shook his head as he lay beside his lover. "She's been such a bitch about this--,"

Spock rolled over. He hated seeing the look of triumph on Jim's face when Nyota had made her announcement.

"She is not 'being a bitch about this,' she is doing what any human would have done. Actually, she had performed admirably considering the circumstances."

"Oh," Jim growled and angrily got up and began throwing on his clothes, "Not you too? Damn, it seems like that woman has everyone wrapped around her little finger. Everyone's looking at ME like it's my fault she's leaving--,"

"It is not your fault," Spock told him.

"Finally, some agreement," Jim commented, "I was beginning to think--,"

"The fault lies with me."

"I—what? What do you mean the fault lies with you? It's our freakin' destiny! It's what the universe wants, it's what--,"

"It is what we wanted. Not the universe, not elder Spock, it was what _we_ wanted. I am not even sure that it _is_ what I want anymore."

Jim stared at Spock incredulously. "What do you mean? Wasn't it you who begged me to take you to my bed? To be with me?"

"I—I am sorry if this distresses you. I do not want Nyota to leave. I do not want her to hurt. I can still feel her sorrow even now."

"What about _my_ sorrow Spock? What about _me_?," he cried.

Spock stared at Jim. Where was the valiant, strong Captain Kirk in which elder Spock had waxed poetic? Where was the reliable and affable Captain who would risk it all to save his crew? The man that stood before him—was not the Kirk of legend. He seemed—like an immature child intent upon getting what he wanted, no matter what the cost to others.

"Are you not worried about her Jim? The thoughts that I have felt from her have—disturbed me."

"Of course I'm worried, but she's got to get over it sometime. She's irrational, acting distant, not caring about the baby--,"

"I would advise you not speak of the child," Spock told him, his eyes shining slightly with unshed tears.

"Oh hell Spock, I'm—I'm sorry," he relented. "I just wanted her to be—I don't know. More broken up about it I guess. It just seems like she's—she's,"

"She has a right to her feelings," Spock interjected, "As do we all. Jim, I—I am very fond of you. I—have enjoyed our time together. It has been—illuminating. But I cannot let her leave."

Jim stared at his lover and at the bed the even now smelled of their sex, of their passion for each other. "No," he told him.

"We cannot be, at least at this time," Spock told him.

"You can't!" Jim scolded, "You can't be with me one minute and then not be with me the next. It's like I don't matter--," Jim stopped and stared off into space.

"I guess this is what Nyota was feeling. What I'm feeling right now," Jim looked over at Spock, his faced etched in sadness.

"I know I should be sorry that she's hurting. But I don't want to care. After all, this whole situation brought me to you."

Spock stood and began to dress. "Spock. I—just wanted her to see that this was for the best. You and me, we're good together and she's my friend, and I—don't want to see her hurt, but I don't want to lose you either."

Spock picked up his shirt and Jim grabbed it. "Listen to me!"

"I am listening Jim."

"What are you going to do? Go to her and beg her to take you back? Beg her to stay? You can't do that! I've already pushed the order through to transfer her."

"Rules, can be amended. You and I know this well."

Jim grabbed him and Spock gently extricated himself from Jim's embrace. "Please," Jim cried, "Don't leave me."

Spock looked back at Jim as he dropped to his knees and cried as if he were a child. Nyota had not cried. He could feel her distress, her anger and her intense pain as if it was a wave and it would drown him upon her shore. But she did not cry. She had been strong. She was stronger than anyone he had ever met, Vulcan, human or otherwise. .

Spock slipped on his shoes and gave one last look at the man who had been his lover, his partner, his friend. Then he turned gracefully on his heel and made his way to Nyota.

********


	3. Chapter 3

She had been expecting Christine Chapel or even Pavel to be at her door. She had yet to say goodbye to the only two people who seemed to understand her pain. She was not expecting Spock.

"May I come in?," he asked.

She shrugged and walked over to the couch and sat. She looked at him expectantly and gestured impatiently for him to begin. "What do you want?"

He sat beside her and she stiffened. He was reaching for her hand but stopped himself. "I have come to apologize," he began and looked at her face.

"Okay, well, that got my attention," she commented, "Continue."

"I did not mean for you to hurt Nyota. I do not want you to leave. I would like for you to stay."

"Stay? And be privy to your affair with Kirk? Stay and be hurt over and over as you all disregard my pain, stay and suffer?"

Spock nearly sighed. "I am sorry Nyota. I—I am sorry about us. I am sorry about our child, I am sorry that you were in pain. Please. Let us repair the rift between us--,"

"No," Nyota moaned, "No, no, no. You do not get to do this. No. You do not get to come here, and give me some lame apology and expect me to stay. It doesn't work like that. I no longer want to be here and that's the end of it."

"I am no longer with Jim," Spock told her.

She wrinkled her brow in confusion. "But—why? I thought that was what you wanted, you know, it being destiny and all," she sneered.

"I do not feel the love the elder Spock spoke of in his lifetime with the other Jim Kirk. I--,"

"You just wanted to get your jollies off with our own Mr. Captain, break things off after you got what you wanted and you expected to come back to me, offer an apology, I'd take you back and we'd be together like nothing ever happened right?"

Spock opened his mouth and then closed it. Nyota had an insane urge to giggle. She had a knack for making Vulcans speechless. If she had been feeling less pain and heartbreak she might have been able to bring herself to even laugh.

Spock hung his head and then stared into Nyota's eyes. "Perhaps you are right. I was attracted to Jim, but I do not expect things to be the same between us. I hope they will be better."

Nyota shook her head and sighed. "If you had told me this months ago, I may have been ecstatic. Hurt and ashamed, but ecstatic nonetheless. Now, I realize that I want more to life than just being your lover, or Kirk's back up personnel."

"But you are more Nyota. Besides my mother, you are the strongest, most decent human being I have ever had the pleasure to know and I have and will always love you for it."

He gently traced fingers across her hand and she angrily pulled away. "You are not getting a free pass on this. You hurt me! You hurt me more than anyone ever has. You left me! You left me for the man I was supposed to respect and admire. I don't know if I can ever forgive you for the way you callously threw me away and disregarded my feelings. You acted as if this was MY fault."

"I understand that you have feelings of anger Nyota, but I have never blamed you."

"No, you just wanted me to stop being _hurt_, and act as if nothing was wrong. You acted as if I should have been _grateful _that the man I loved was with someone else. Well I'm sorry if I ruined your perfect little fantasy but I needed the space to heal, I needed to hurt and I needed to forgive, IF that is what I wanted, in my own time, not yours not Kirk's and certainly not elder Spock. You acted despicably Spock. You hid those emails from me! You lied! How could you do that to me! To us?,"

Spock wanted to reach out and hold her as she cried, and found himself reaching out before stopping himself.

"I would like for you to give me the opportunity to make amends Nyota," he told her and boldly placed his hand upon her shoulder.

She shook him off angrily. "Go to hell Spock," she told him between gritted teeth, "And while you're at it, take Jim with you."

Shock was plainly evident on Spock's face. "Nyota, please--," he told her and tried to reach out to her once more.

"Don't touch me! I am leaving and there is nothing that you or anyone else can do about it. Now get out!"

"Nyota,"

"Get. Out. Now!!,"

Spock stood and made his way to the door. Once the doors slid shut behind him, he was sure he could hear her crying on the other side.

********


	4. Chapter 4

It was quiet on the bridge. The new communications officer sat silently at the console and Spock was aware of the irritating way he tapped the controls, how inefficiently he decoded messages and how much he wasn't Nyota.

Everyone had expected her transfer to transform the bridge into the place it once was, but there seemed a hole that only Nyota could fill. Spock pushed those thoughts aside. It was illogical. Nyota's absence neither helped nor hindered the performance of everyone on the bridge, he told himself.

He looked up and saw Jim watching him for a moment before turning away. Their relationship had been uncomfortable the first few weeks after Nyota's transfer. It had now settled into cool professionalism occasionally punctuated by a meaningful look from Jim or an errant touch on the hand. Spock found that though this suited him, he missed the closeness they once shared and though it was illogical, wished for the days before they were lovers, when they had once been friends.

The crew could sense the change in their relationship and everyone assumed it was just an adjustment to Nyota's departure. After Nyota was transferred, Spock Prime had informed Jim that he would settle on New Vulcan and possibly complete the Kolinahr. Spock tried not to let feelings of sadness bubble to the surface of his consciousness. The elder Vulcan had assumed full responsibility for Nyota's departure and could not bring himself to listen to reason. He had spoken calmly of how his desire to manipulate others had brought so much pain to a woman he had respected so much in another universe. Though Jim had vigorously pleaded against it, Spock Prime had defended his decision. Jim refused to watch as the Vulcan was beamed onto the surface, and instead spent the remainder of the day sequestered in his quarters.

Jim refused to give Spock any information as to where Nyota had been stationed, citing it as "classified." Spock had tried several times to contact her family in Africa, only to have encountered hostile resistance and a stern lecture on "loyalty," and "propriety." He had listened patiently, a small part of him feeling as if it were a sort of penance for what he had done to Nyota.

Suddenly the bridge sprang into action.

"Sir," Spock heard as reports from engineering poured in, "We are being hailed from the USS Endeavor. They have been attacked, there has been damage to multiple areas of the ship and they have to evacuate."

"On screen Lieutenant," Kirk told him.

"This is Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise."

"Hello, Captain. This is Captain Nyota Uhura," her voice relaying strength and no fear even as the bridge threatened to give way, "My ship has been severely damaged. The attackers are of a race we have never encountered. Permission to board with all survivors."

Jim stared hard for a moment before nodding his assent. "Permission granted."

Spock fought as shock and elation rushed to the surface of his mind.

Kirk motioned for Spock to follow as he made his way to the transporter room. "Gee, that was fast."

"To what are you referring captain?" Spock asked.

"She had been stationed on another ship as a communications officer. Same position, better pay. She's a captain now. Wow."

"She does not seem to be injured," Spock told him, feeling intense relief.

"Well yeah. Of course she wouldn't be injured, she's the _captain_," he told him, bitterness lacing each word.

Spock was confused by Kirk's behavior. He did not seem relieved that Nyota was not hurt and that most of the crew of her ship had managed to escape unscathed.

He seemed most concerned by Uhura's change in rank. Interesting.

********


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: As usual I own nothing. Thanks for being patient with me and some of the liberties I have taken with timelines, universes, etc. I know this a bit AU and OOC. As stated before, I was influenced by two stories previously written, wherein there is a prior relationship between Kirk and Spock, and these events occur after Nyota's miscarriage. I really hope you all enjoy this. Please R&R! :-) **

Spock tried hard not to stare at Nyota's face. She had grown even more beautiful since he had last seen her. The transfer seemed to have agreed with her, as she had gained back the weight she had lost and there were no longer angry dark circles beneath her eyes. She was very concerned about her ship and had not taken the deaths of her crew members well.

She wiped away tears and Spock refilled her tea. "It was awful Spock."

"Losing crew members is never an easy thing Nyota."

"Many of those people were my friends. How can I tell their families that they won't be coming home?"

Spock reached out for her hand and she didn't pull away. "They served admirably. They died defending their ship and serving Starfleet's purpose of exploration. Their families will be proud."

Nyota snorted. "Well, for a moment there, I thought Kirk wasn't going to let me board."

Spock was inclined to agree but instead squeezed her hand gently. "Kirk would never willingly let others come to great harm."

The statement hung in the air, and Nyota stared back at him. "I don't know what to say to that."

An uncomfortable silence stretched between them before Nyota said, "How's Pavel? And Christine?"

"They are well," Spock informed her, "Pavel has been instrumental in aiding Scotty with experimenting with various forms of warp drive theories and Christine has been most successful in getting McCoy to "get in touch with his feminine side."

Nyota laughed and rolled her eyes. "Oh, boy. Is he any nicer?"

A corner of Spock's lips quirked up, "He has called me a 'green blooded goblin' only once this week. I would say that is an improvement."

Nyota giggled, "McCoy. He will always be ornery. I wouldn't have it any other way."

Spock found himself enjoying Nyota's laughter. It had been so long since he had heard it.

"Nyota," he began, "Do you think about—us? Of our time together?"

Nyota stopped laughing and cocked her head to the side and studied him. "You want honesty?"

"Of course."

"Then, no. I haven't."

Spock drew in a breath, then released it. "I hadn't thought about any of this," she said gesturing, "I took time to just focus on me."

Spock nodded and smoothed back her hair. It was an intimate gesture, one he had done so many times that it felt natural and right. Nyota stiffened as she felt his fingers brush her temple. She could feel his emotions—hope, love and expectation all roiling through him. "I can't handle this right now Spock," she told him as she gently pushed his hand away.

"I have to concentrate on getting my ship up and running, writing these reports, gathering information about the ship's encounter—I just don't have time for this right now."

Spock said nothing as he reached for her hand and gently laced fingers around her own.

************

"They called themselves the collective," she told Kirk.

Kirk, Spock and Nyota had been conferencing all morning, trying to gather any evidence of the alien race that attacked Nyota's ship. Nyota took a sip of her tea before continuing.

"They wanted to—assimilate us," she told them. "I refused of course, and I considered their intentions hostile. We prepared to defend ourselves, and then they attacked. They were relentless. We tried several evasive maneuvers before engaging in the crisis theory."

"Worm hole jumping?!," Kirk cried. "But that's dangerous! It hasn't even been really approved by Starfleet."

"They had weaponry the likes of which we had never seen. Their ship was fast and it was only with the knowledge of my best people were we able to barely escape into the worm holes," she spoke clearly and distinctly only her eyes betraying her fear,

"A few of those from the collective managed to beam aboard. They were some sort of bio-mechanical species. I couldn't figure out how they had gotten past our shields and were able to beam aboard while we were at maximum warp. We subdued them of course, but not before they took at least three of my crew back to their ship."

She shook her head. "Can you imagine if I had led them to Starfleet? It would have an all out slaughter. I had no choice. Luckily, we lost them and we were able to find you here in the beta quadrant."

Kirk listened intently and ran his hands through his hair. "And no one has even heard of these guys. I tried contacting older Spock and he's not giving up the info."

"Did he say why?" Nyota asked.

"Only that too much knowledge might irreparably damage our time line," Kirk told her.

"Well, that's inexcusable," she ranted, "He needs to give us something. Those beings were dangerous. Perhaps if I talk to him--,"

"No," Kirk insisted, "Leave him alone. If he wants to act as if he's an enemy to Starfleet than by all means let him."

"We can't do that. If he has any information about them, we need to know. They could easily be the end of our civilizations. We can't let that happen."

"He's gonna be tough to crack, but if you think you can talk to him, then I'll arrange it."

"Thank you," Nyota told him.

"Captain Uhura," Spock addressed, "You say they described themselves as a—collective?"

"Yes," she nodded, "Apparently they kidnap different species and connect them to some sort of hive mind. We were able to get that much from the drone we captured. From what it—I mean he—told us, the collective functions very much in the way a hive of bees do. There is a queen and various workers who all share the same consciousness."

"Fascinating," Spock commented and Nyota shuddered.

"I can't imagine losing my identity, my individuality," she told them and Kirk nodded.

"Well, let's get this report into Starfleet headquarters. We've sealed off the quadrant and are advising all of our ships to stay in restricted areas."

Nyota nodded and stood, "Well, I will meet up with you again at 1600 hours. Let me know once you've made arrangements with elder Spock."

As she walked gracefully from the room Jim gave Spock a level stare. "So you guys are friends now?"

"We are colleagues that have mutual respect for one another. Nothing less than what you and I share."

Kirk nearly choked on his tea and glared at Spock. "Whatever. You're dismissed Commander."

Spock stood and exited the doors. He quickly went in search of Nyota and found her in the mess hall. He ordered a bowl of Plomeek soup from the replicators and approached her.

"May I sit with you captain," he asked.

She stared at him a moment before shrugging, "If that's what you want."

He was pleased. It was exactly what he wanted.

******


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I have to warn you all, Spock Prime is dealing with a lot of emotion and therefore he may seem a bit OOC. But if you're not familiar with the story "Five Times Nyota Refused to Be Saved," you may have missed that there was a very emotional mind meld between Nyota and Spock Prime. He is now dealing with the consequences of feeling Nyota's pain and his own actions in causing them. Please R&R! **

******

The golden sands glowed in the harsh sunlight of New Vulcan and an emotion akin to pleasure wound down his spine as the heat soaked into his bones. It was a pleasant departure from the coolness of the starship. He sighed. So human a gesture would certainly make his peers uncomfortable, yet Spock had long since embraced his human side and the thought of the task before him made him uneasy. To give up one's emotions, one's feelings—to Spock it was like he was losing a vibrant part of himself, the part that connected him to his mother.

Yet, it had been his emotions that led him to wreak such havoc on such a loving individual such as Nyota. Her pain and suffering had been indescribable and overwhelming, and to have caused such disquiet in such a tender woman seemed—diabolical. Yes, he thought, he had been diabolical in his attempts to recreate the love he once had for Kirk. It had been a selfish ploy and Nyota had suffered for it. His obsession with his lost love had led him to do unspeakable things and the child—he closed his eyes as tears stung his lids.

If only she had been happy—perhaps she would have taken better care of herself and sought the medical attention she needed. He shook his head of such thoughts, after all, logic dictates that there may have been nothing that could have saved the pregnancy, but a gnawing sense of guilt constantly told him otherwise.

He walked slowly to his new home and began preparations for meditation. He sorely needed an intense session this day. It was when he passed him comm. device that he noticed the link was blinking.

He began the relay and was surprised to find himself staring at Nyota's face.

"Hello," she intoned, "_Spock'h_," He trembled with pleasure as he heard his true name spoken. She had been the only human he had ever known to pronounce his name the way as it had been given. She was truly an exception in the field of linguistics.

"I am contacting you because I require your help. I am aware that you have access to pertinent information regarding a hostile and previously unknown race. They attacked my ship and some of my crew members were killed. They constitute a grave threat to not just the Federation but the many civilizations that populate space. It is imperative that you respond. Live long and prosper," she ended with the typical Vulcan greeting, fingers of one hand extended in a perfect V.

He quickly responded, and after several attempts Nyota's face once again filled the screen. He drank her image in greedily, searching for the smallest hints of happiness or joy, tranquility, of anything in which he could feel—absolved.

Her face portrayed pleasant professionalism and nothing more.

"Greetings," he told her, "Nyota."

She smiled, and while the gesture should have inspired joy, it was laced with a coolness that had been uncharacteristic of the woman elder Spock had come to know.

"It's Captain Uhura," she corrected. It was a gentle warning; subtle, but firm.

He paused, then replied, "Very well Captain, how may I be of assistance?"

"You have information about the collective. They attacked my ship. Tell me about them."

The elder Vulcan knew it was a direct command and not a request. He blinked a few times in succession, surprised at this new Nyota staring back at him. As he thought upon it, however, he found that he respected the steely air of command she had cultivated.

"I can only hope the little I know about them may be of assistance Captain," he acquiesced and she nodded for him to continue, "In my timeline, our crew breached a temporal distortion field in space and were transported to the 24th century. Starfleet, while becoming increasingly advanced had not been able to subdue the collective, and several attempts to conquer Earth and various other star systems had been narrowly averted. We were aided in attempts to escape and resist their efforts by a Starfleet captain who has yet to be born in this timeline, that is, if he will in fact, be born in this timeline at all."

Spock shook his head as memories of death and pain filled him. He remembered the screams and shouts of crew members as they were either killed or taken by what had been termed in that timeline as "The Borg."

"I cannot of course, say the captain's name or give you any information concerning his background. That may disrupt the timeline in ways we cannot foresee."

"Of course," Nyota nodded, "Tell me what you can."

"I can tell you that the key to defeating the collective will be to strike at their source: their queen. Their queen drives them all with her purpose. She is in a sense, a biological super computer. She acts as a central processing unit of their race, distributing orders and delegating tasks. The collective was disrupted when a member of Starfleet of that timeline uploaded a virus to her mainframe, and disrupted all operations and essentially disconnecting all of her—workers."

"We were able to escape and return to our own timeline," he told her.

He did not add that they had taken aboard one of those that had been a former member of the borg who later became Ensign Susan Aoki, and even later Admiral Aoki-Rosseau, ancestor of the very man—Jean Luc Picard—who had saved them, thus creating a time space conundrum that had both fascinated and terrified Starfleet, later causing Starfleet to create a list of directives in situations where time travel could not be averted.

"Would you be able to synthesize a similar virus?" she asked.

"I am not certain. The technology of that time is far removed from our own. However I will try."

_I will do it because you asked me, Nyota_…… The thought whispered against their tentative bond and Nyota flinched.

"Thank you. I am grateful you are fulfilling your," she paused, "_Contractual _duties to Starfleet."

_Don't do this for me...never for me…I don't need your favors_….her mind whispered back.

To anyone watching they were having a civil and utmost professional conversation and any outsider would miss the roiling tensions churning beneath the surface of their thoughts.

"I have word that you will complete the Kolinahr," Nyota remarked, "I am not sure if congratulations are in order."

"Many Vulcans undergo this process. It is an essential facet of our culture."

Sorrow and guilt laced with grief pressed into Nyota's mind through their tenuous bond and she forced herself to smile.

"It has been pleasant seeing you again Elder," she told him, "Please contact Captain Kirk and make arrangements to come aboard. We may need to begin plans for coding the virus as soon as possible. We will be passing near New Vulcan in three standard days."

"Of course," he nodded.

Nyota terminated their link and Spock held back the wave of sadness that filled him.

_Please forgive me Nyota_, he silently begged and hoped however illogically, that in three days he could begin to repair the damage he had done.

**********


	7. Chapter 7

**********

**A/N: I realize a chapter was mistakenly uploaded last time and thus I had a repeat. Sorry everyone! My computer was having some issues. Anyway, thanks for all the support! :-) **

*************

Christine squealed excitedly when she spied Nyota. Nyota gave her a broad smile as they slipped inside Christine's quarters. Once inside, she grasped Nyota in a warm hug.

"Oh my Lord, have I missed you!," she told her as she led Nyota to the couch.

"I've missed you too!," she replied, "How are things?"

Christine smirked as they sat. "Well, there have lots of changes around here, but you know that," she began and Nyota nodded.

"Is there something in particular you'd like to know?," she teased and Nyota gave her a phony sigh of exasperation,

"I heard from a little bird you were helping the doctor to get to know his "feminine side," Nyota raised a brow and Christine laughed, confirming her suspicions.

"Chris!," she gasped, "You and McCoy? Wow. I never saw that coming,"

"He's really sweet, once you get to know him," Christine told her, "I know he comes off as kind of—well--,"

"Prickly?," Nyota supplied and Christine chuckled.

"Well, I guess you could say that. He definitely has his moments,"

Christine glanced knowingly at Nyota, "So would this 'little bird' be our own Mr. Spock?"

Nyota sighed. "Yes. The one and only."

"Well it seems he broke things off for good with Jim that's for sure," Christine added, her face turning red with anger, "The nerve of those two! If I weren't afraid of being court-martialed I would have wiped the floor with the both of them!"

Nyota smiled weakly, "I know you would have Chris. But, I'm okay with it."

"Are you sure? You were in real bad shape, Ny," she told her, "It's got to be hard being on the ship with the both of them."

"Yeah it is," she told her, "But, I am moving on with my life and that's what matters."

"So, you're a captain now," Christine grinned, "How did it happen? How does it feel?"

"Well, I was originally serving on the _Explorer_, and I was doing the same thing as I did here. But, I just--had this feeling that I could be so much more than was. I mean I can't complain, I did become a lieutenant at a very young age but--,"

"You wanted something else," Christine interjected and Nyota nodded.

"Well yeah. I wanted to challenge myself. That whole experience with Spock and Kirk," she shook her head sadly, "It taught me to support myself, to take chances and take charge. So when the Endeavor was commissioned I went for it."

"It wasn't easy convincing Starfleet that I was captain grade material I'll tell you that. I ended up on board as Lieutenant Commander. That was until we landed on a hostile planet in hostile territory," Nyota shuddered, "So many people were killed, including the Captain and commander. They took us all prisoner, but I managed to lead out the survivors and get us out of there,"

"Oh Ny," Christine commented and squeezed Nyota's hand in reassurance, "I heard about that! That was you?! I had no idea you had been captured!"

"It was pretty bad. I saw things that—that even now sometimes keep me up at night. But I realized then that this is what I was meant to do. So when Starfleet conditionally offered me the position as Captain I accepted."

"So, this is what, just a trial basis?," Christine asked.

"Pretty much, but after what happened with the ship recently they've extended the conditional period indefinitely."

Nyota sighed and Christine shrugged, "Hey, you've got the title and that's all that matters. Trial period or no. I bet Kirk was thrilled about that one."

"Why would he care? I'm out of his hair and he's free to pursue Spock as much as he wants," Nyota told her.

"Nyota, I know everything about everyone on this ship. After all, every person on board has to see me at some point. I hear it all. And it's a thorn on Kirk's side that you're a captain too."

"But why?," Nyota asked.

"Well think about it. Nyota, you remind of him of what he wants so much to be right now. You're cool, calm and collected, you have the maturity befitting of a captain. People respect you and admire you and in Kirk's mind, you're the reason that Spock dumped him."

"Are you saying he wants to _be_ me?," Nyota gasped.

"Not be you. But it's nothing less than good old-fashioned jealousy. You make him feel like—he's less than you somehow. At least that's how I interpret it."

"I can't believe he and I used to be friends," Nyota remarked, "How did we end up like this?"

Christine shrugged, "Things change, people change. Sometimes for the worse."

"Yes," Nyota agreed, "Sometimes they do."

"So," Christine began, "A little birdie told _me_, that they saw you having lunch with Spock."

Nyota groaned. "It wasn't even like that. He asked to sit down and I let him. End of story. There's nothing to tell."

"Nothing," Christine pushed, "Really?"

"Nope. I know he wants me back, but I can't even fathom that right now. I mean, he really hurt me and I can't—I can't even--,"

"You know, as much as I can't stand the guy, I want you to be happy, if he is what you want then…,"

Nyota laughed, "Chris! I didn't say I wanted him back, I just—I don't know. I just need some time I guess."

Chris rolled her eyes. "There are billions of very handsome, very eligible men in the galaxy. You should get back out there."

Nyota gave Chris a playful shove. "No way!"

"Seriously Nyota, when was the last time you had a date?"

"Well—It was when--,"

"Don't you dare say anything having to do with Spock! I mean, a date with someone _besides_ Spock."

Nyota grimaced. "Well, I haven't had an actual date with anyone--,"

"That settles it, you are going to go out with another guy, and you are going to like it."

"No," Nyota moaned, "I couldn't. I --,"

"Nyota, I'm not saying you have to marry the guy, jeez, you act as if someone is proposing on one knee already!"

"I don't know Chris, Spock hurt me pretty badly….," Nyota began.

"All the more reason to find someone new. My grandma always said that the best way to get over a man was to get under a new one!"

Nyota gasped. "Your grandmother is 97 and the most conservative woman I have ever known. She said that?!"

"Well yeah, she wasn't always a prude. Grandma had her share of lovers. Who do you think taught me the fine art of flirtation? I haven't always been this charismatic."

"Chris, it just seems so soon," Nyota told her.

"Nyota Uhura. I am ordering you as one of my very best friends, to get a new dress when we dock at Delta 7, and go on a double date with me tonight."

"Um," Nyota gulped. "I really have to concentrate on my ship--,"

"Honey," Christine told her, "The ship isn't going anywhere. It may take at least a week or two to finish repairs, and from your quick thinking, I don't think whoever attacked you will be catching up with you anytime soon. So relax, have some fun."

Nyota thought a moment before replying. "Okay," she relented, "Who do you have in mind?"

Christine broke out in a broad smile her mind already working out the details.

*********

**A/N: I know this chapter may seem a bit off, but at this point I wanted Nyota to consider other options. **


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Thanks to everyone for their comments! :-) I always welcome criticism. For all those who were wondering, it's been about nine or ten months from the time she has been transferred to the present point in the story. As usual I own nothing. Please R&R! **

**********

"Nyota," Christine sing-songed, "I'm not getting any younger out here."

"I'm hurrying," Nyota called out, "I'm just a little nervous, I've gained a bit of weight and I have huge scar--,"

"Nyota if you don't get your beautiful butt out here," Christine chided, "We're gonna be late and if you're sitting there thinking that any man won't be knocked out by your beauty then you're in deeper crap than I thought."

"Christine," Nyota yelled back, "This dress is too revealing!"

"No it's not!," Christine shouted, "It's just fine. That damn man screwed up your head so much you can't see straight that's what."

"I can't!" Nyota told her, her voice catching.

"Nyota," Christine told her gently through the bathroom door, "It's okay. You'll be fine. Now just come out."

There was silence on the other side then tentative footsteps as Nyota crossed the floor and slowly opened the door.

Christine's breath caught in her throat. Nyota looked absolutely stunning. Her long dark hair hung in wild abandon down her back and curled enticingly about her face. Her large almond shaped eyes were accentuated perfectly by her makeup and her lips were full, lush and glossy. Her skin was dewy and flawless and the dress…..

Christine looked Nyota over and gasped. "Oh my Lord, that man is gonna have a heart attack," she drawled.

The dress was made of bright yellow Bajoran silk, its color contrasting beautifully with Nyota's cinnamon skin and its plunging neckline showed off her generous décolletage to perfection. The wispy dress clung to her curves and gently outlined the muscles of her trim legs as she moved. Gleaming Cardassian bracelets adorned her delicate wrists and Christine could smell her Maharan desert flower perfume as it lightly scented her skin.

"What?" Nyota asked nervously as she tugged lightly on the dress, "Do I look horrible? You know what, I'm going to go change--,"

"Don't you dare!," Christine exclaimed, "You will do no such thing! Now. Len and I have reservations at this really nice restaurant on the base and we will not be a minute late."

"Now slip on those shoes and let's go," Christine demanded.

Nyota stared hard at the delicately adorned stiletto heels. "I won't be able to walk in these! At least not comfortably,"

Christine rolled her eyes, "Sweetheart, they're not supposed to be comfortable. They're supposed to make your legs look they go all the way to heaven. And that's the point. Nothing says "come hither" more than a nice pair of stilettos. Besides you danced for years and did ballroom. A woman never forgets how to walk in heels."

Nyota hesitantly slipped on the heels, grabbed her purse and followed Christine reluctantly out the door.

"What if he doesn't like me Chris?" Nyota asked.

Christine gave Nyota a once over and smiled, "Nyota, you're smart, you're capable and you've got a kick ass pair of legs. That man won't know what hit him. Now let's get moving."

Nyota nodded and reluctantly followed.

***

He was gorgeous. Mouthwatering, deliciously, beautifully gorgeous. Nyota blinked a few times and swallowed nervously.

"Christine," she whispered as the made their way to the maitre d', "That can't be him, he's--,"

"Gorgeous as all get out? I've got great taste, I know. His grandmother was Talexian."

"Oh," Nyota murmured. Talexians were considered to be the most beautiful species of humanoid the Federation had ever encountered. They were all wonderfully symmetrical, with most having smooth, sandy colored skin. The men in particular, including her soon-to-be date, sported incredibly chiseled jawlines, deeply set, cat-like crystalline green eyes and long muscular limbs. Of course, he was only part Talexian, but he was still the most perfect specimen of man Nyota had ever seen.

Nyota gulped. "Christine I'm gonna get you for this," Nyota murmured as they drew close to the table where he sat, his body elegantly laid out upon the chair.

"No you won't. You'll be thanking me first."

As they sauntered close to the table the man stood and bowed, "I am Dimitri E'Lon," he told Nyota. She shivered involuntarily as his smooth voice caressed her ears and she caught the tell-tale signs of a slight Talexian accent.

Nyota nodded but found that she couldn't speak. Christine bumped her and Nyota squeaked, "Uhura, nice to meet you."

"It is a pleasure to finally meet you Ms. Uhura, you are quite influential in the field of linguistics. Your accomplishments are quite impressive."

Nyota smiled. "Thank you Dimitri, I'm flattered, and--you may call me Nyota."

"Nyota, please," Dimitri told her and gave her a dazzling smile as he pulled out her chair, "Sit with me and I shall find out more about you."

Throughout dinner, Nyota found that Dimitri was a wonderful conversationalist and she was shocked at his vast amount of knowledge. He was head of a cryo-biogenic and neuromechanical research division that worked closely with Starfleet. He had spent most of his early life living in various countries and he knew a total of 63 Terran languages and 23 non-Terran ones. As they slipped in and out of different languages and dialects, they discussed various scientific theorems and Len and Christine could only smile and shake their heads.

"Um," Christine interrupted, "Nyota, I have to—powder my nose,"

"Oh," Nyota started hesitantly to her feet, "If you will excuse me Dimitri," Nyota told him.

As they made their way from the table, they could hear Len say "That's woman speak for let's go talk about the men in the bathroom."

Christine and Nyota chuckled and traipsed gaily to the ladies' room and as soon as they were inside Christine whispered conspiratorially, "So what do you think?"

Nyota smirked. "He's cute."

"Cute!," Christine exclaimed, "I'm sure if you look up gorgeous on a PADD that man's picture would come up and slap you in the face for thinking otherwise."

Nyota laughed. "Christine you really are too much."

"No really, Chris, he's fantastic," Nyota noted, "He's funny, smart, ambitious and he can wrap his tongue around the D'Reglian language like nothing I've ever heard--,"

"Honey, I bet he can wrap that tongue around some other things just as well, but continue,"

Nyota mock-glared at Christine and said, "Well, I wouldn't be adverse to a second date."

Christine squealed. "I knew it! Damn it! Pavel owes me twenty credits."

Nyota gasped. "You guys were taking bets on me?"

"Well, not bets really, just friendly wagers. Don't be mad. Besides, Pavel is the one who suggested Dimitri. We all met at a convention three years ago but I didn't even think to call him up until Pavel suggested it."

Nyota grinned. "What would I do without you guys?"

"I don't know, but you owe me a triple-dipped Alorian ice cream and popcorn when we get back," Christine quipped.

"Alright," Nyota agreed, "Just as long you include a really good twenty-first century Terran movie and you've got yourself a deal."

They quickly checked their makeup before leaving and resumed their evening.

After dinner, they strolled along the busy Deltan streets that were awash in the light of three pale moons. Nyota began to feel—content. Dimitri had been the consummate gentleman and his effervescent personality was a refreshing change from Spock's quiet brooding.

Soon, Nyota and Dimitri were walking some ways from Christine and Len. She sat beneath a flowering tree and Dimitri picked a blossom and placed it in her hair.

"It is beautiful," he told her in Turkish, "Rather like you."

Nyota grinned shyly and blushed slightly beneath the weight of his gaze.

On impulse she stood and faced him and felt herself drawing steadily closer to his full lips. His hands slid lightly across her arms and his tangy scent filled her nostrils.

Before she could make contact with his lush mouth, his communicator chirped and interrupted the pleasant silence.

"I am sorry, Nyota, I am needed back on my ship. But I will be traveling on the Enterprise for research, can I—can we—go out again?"

Nyota smiled and nodded, "Of course. You can get all the info. from Christine."

He kissed her hand, and the warmth of his lips sent pleasant chills down her spine.

They walked to where Len and Christine were and he bid them good night and headed back to his ship.

Christine whistled, "Dreamy, huh?"

McCoy humphed. "I guess if you go for the pretty boy type he's just dandy."

Christine kissed him on the cheek. "Don't be jealous. He's not my type. I like craggy doctors with chips on their shoulders."

Len graced her with a rare smile. "Well now, that sounds more like it."

Suddenly Len's face slid back into its usual grimace. "Damn green blooded goblin! Just knows how to ruin a good day."

Nyota turned and saw Spock quickly approaching.

**


	9. Chapter 9

**

She was beautiful. He had nearly forgotten how the silky wild fall of her dark hair looked against her flawless skin. He took in her long beautiful legs, at the lean line of her graceful neck and the luscious fullness of her lips.

He approached and stopped before her, hands clasped behind his back.

"Nurse Chapel," he nodded, "Doctor."

He paused as he looked at Nyota. "Nyota."

She nodded back and an uncomfortable silence engulfed them.

"May I speak with you a moment?," he finally spoke.

Christine glared and Leonard graced Spock with an even darker stare than usual.

"Its okay guys, I'll catch up with you," she told them and they walked off with Len muttering, "Damn elfin looking bastard…."

They walked in silence for a moment before he spoke, "I see that you were on a—date?"

"Yes," Nyota replied, "As a matter of fact I was."

Spock said nothing for a moment and then remarked, "I am happy for you."

Nyota snorted. "Truly?"

"Yes," he told her.

"What are you doing here anyway?," Nyota inquired, a steely edge in her voice.

"I was having dinner with Captain Pike and a few colleagues from the Academy. I saw you at the restaurant but you were—otherwise engaged."

Nyota said nothing and instead looked into the distance.

"I assume the Talexian hybrid was your companion?," he probed.

"His _name_ is Dimitri," she snapped.

"Of course. I did not mean to offend,"

Nyota rolled her eyes. "Spock, what do you want?"

He stopped and faced her, "I—find that your absence--," he paused before continuing, "Saddens me."

Nyota stared agape. "Are you saying that you miss me?"

"I believe," Spock uttered, "That I do."

Nyota spun angrily and faced him, her mouth set into a firm line of anger. "You have no right! No right at all to _miss me_. You didn't care Spock! Where were you when I needed you? When I was calling out to you? Hurting?! You didn't give a shit."

"That is not true Nyota," he told her gently, "I cared deeply."

Nyota laughed bitterly, "Well if that's deep affection I think I'd rather have you hate me."

Spock flinched. "I could never hate you Nyota."

"Well you certainly didn't love me. At least not enough to stay."

"Nyota, that is certainly not the case, in fact I still--,"

"Don't say it!" Nyota warned, "Don't you dare tell me this now!"

Tears pricked her eyes and she took in a shaky breath. "Why do you have to mess up everything? Why Spock?"

Her eyes were shiny with unshed tears. "I was having a good time. I met a really nice guy and then you showed up. McCoy was right. You do know how to ruin a good day."

"Nyota," Spock begged, "Please listen--,"

Nyota was already stalking angrily away. He watched as she hurriedly met up with McCoy and Nurse Chapel. They shot him what he determined to be several angry looks before heading back toward the base.

Spock stood still as intense sadness washed over him. He had never felt so—alone. He stood for awhile, letting emotions move through him in a tangled mass: fear, love, nostalgia and—hope. She still loved him. He was over 69.5% sure that her display was because she still held deep affection for him. His emotions swirled then coalesced into one distinct feeling—determination.

*******


	10. Chapter 10

*******

Pavel smiled gently as Nyota filled him in on what happened on their date.

"I knew he vould be perfect for you Nyota," Pavel grinned as he quickly typed in data on a PADD.

"He has been very good friend to me. He is brilliant. The only man zat can beat me in chess."

Nyota laughed softly, "Well, that is an accomplishment. You never told me about him before."

"Well," Pavel shrugged, "You never asked."

Nyota punched him playfully and Pavel's expression sobered. "I am glad you are okay Nyota. I worried for you many times and when you left, I was very sad to see you go."

"Oh Pavel," Nyota soothed, "I'm fine. And I'm getting better everyday."

"I only want for you to get better and be happy. Will you see him again?"

"Well…," Nyota dodged coyly.

"Nyota, he is great guy. He can even cook," he prodded.

Nyota gave him a playful grin, "Alright, alright I give. He's coming aboard the enterprise tomorrow to help us with research. We're going out on Friday."

"Good," Pavel nodded.

"I do feel guilty though. I mean we're facing the greatest threat the Federation has ever seen and I'm—dating."

"Nyota," Pavel told her, "You must live. Life is not just work, work, work. It is love and happiness and joy. You are very loyal Starfleet officer, you protect everyone and work hard for everyone. You must also protect and work hard for you. Sometimes that is good."

"Thanks Pavel," she smiled and grabbed several PADDs, "I'll keep that in mind. Well, it's back to work I go."

"All work and no play makes Nyota a very dull Keptin," Pavel teased.

Nyota laughed, "I'll see you later Pavel."

Nyota sighed and made her way to the meeting area.

Kirk stood with his back to her and turned when she came in.

"Older Spock will not be here until 1800 hours, but he sent us some preliminary reports. Spock, will be here after he finishes some things in engineering, so for right now it's just me and you. Let's get started."

She didn't miss the icy glare he threw her way before sitting down.

She was alone. With Kirk. _Great. _

She plastered on a smile and sat down gracefully in the opposite chair. _If he is going to be a child about this then fine_, she thought and raised her chin determinedly. She was going to be the bigger person and ignore his attitude.

"Where would like to begin?" she asked him smoothly as she began going over the data.

*******

They worked in silence for awhile, fingers tapping quickly across PADDs, eyes scanning through documents and data reports from different sectors in space.

A growing sense of fear began gnawing at Nyota when she saw that several species, including the Velians on Telus-9 had been taken or killed by the same beings that attacked her ship. No one was spared; even infants and young children had been abducted. She shivered. She couldn't imagine what they were going through right now.

She scanned through more reports, noting anything of interest until her eyes began to hurt. She rubbed them and sighed.

"I'll get us some tea and some snacks," Kirk offered and Nyota nodded.

He poured her a cup and Nyota couldn't help but notice it was the same tea that Spock often preferred. She said nothing as she took a sip.

"So, what's up with you and Spock?" Kirk suddenly asked.

Nyota stared at Kirk in shock. "Do you really want to talk about this right now?"

"Well," Kirk replied, "I guess I do."

'You have _a lot_ of nerve," she told him angrily, "We're supposed to be putting together a plan to defeat these—these—beings and you're worried about what I may or may not being doing with Spock. Unbelievable."

"Look, I'm just trying to get some closure here," he asserted.

"Closure?," she echoed, "_Closure_?! Where was _my_ closure? Where was the space that I needed to heal?"

Kirk turned away guiltily and Nyota reached over and gently pulled his face level with her own.

"You don't get to look away. Just like I had to watch the man I love be with you day after day. Seeing you look at me as if you'd wish I'd disappear. That _hurt_."

Kirk nervously wet his lips. "Nyota, I didn't want you to disappear, I just wanted you to stop acting like--,"

"Like what? Like I was in pain? Like I was devastated because my _friend_ was sleeping with the man I cared about, gave my heart to? And don't give me that destiny crap. It wasn't destiny at all was it? It was just selfish lust."

Kirk tried to interrupt but Nyota held up her hand. "You do not get to speak. I've waited a long time for this Kirk. You are a selfish, manipulative, hurtful little man whose ego is only matched by the amount of hateful envy you have bottled up in that hick brain of yours."

Kirk flinched as if he'd been slapped. "This is exactly what I was trying to avoid. Nyota, you've changed, you've never been this hateful--,"

"No," she interjected, "I've never been this _truthful_."

She glared at him a moment before continuing, "I lost everything. My friend, the man I loved, my faith in people, my joy, my _child_--," her voice wavered. "I'm sorry I didn't feel enough _pain_ for your liking about that last one. After all, Lord knows I wasn't in enough pain as it was!," she spit out sarcastically.

"I didn't want you to be in more pain Nyota!" he exclaimed, "I just wanted you to be more—emotional about things."

"_Emotional_?" Nyota chuckled bitterly, "Here I am about to tear my hair out, losing weight, not eating, not sleeping and you wanted me to be _more_ emotional?"

She shook her head, "You know what I think? I think you didn't really care that I lost it and you were transferring your emotions onto me."

Kirk shook his vigorously, "That's not true. I never wanted you to lose your baby. You were the one who was acting as if the baby didn't matter."

"How would you know? How would you know what I was feeling? I was in shock. I couldn't even fathom being alone, and even more, being alone and _pregnant_. I barely had time to process all my feelings and here you are, being the certified expert on all things Nyota Uhura," Nyota applauded, "Congratulations Kirk, you know everything."

Kirk's crossed his arms defensively. "Hey, I offered to let you see the ship's counselor, you refused any help I was giving you."

"Oh how magnanimous!," Nyota's saccharine tone held a hot tinge of anger, "I get to see the ship's counselor. And just what do I say? Oh, yeah, I'm having emotional problems because the _captain_ is sleeping with the first officer?"

"Hey, this isn't my fault!" he wailed.

"It is your fault. It's your fault because you had a choice to say no. You had a choice to say 'Hey Spock Prime, I know you want this destiny crap and all but I love my friend and refuse to hurt her,'" she continued, "You could have told Spock 'Hell no, I won't sleep with you,' and you had every right to come to me and alert me to the situation."

"Why didn't you come to me Kirk, Why?," Nyota asked sternly.

Kirk remained quiet for a long moment and then replied, "I guess—because I didn't want to. I guess I wanted to believe it was all for the best."

"Well it wasn't,"

Kirk grimaced. "I—I guess not."

"You're damn right. And you know what else?,"

Kirk simply stared at her.

"What hurts me is that you all carried on this _thing_ behind my back. You _lied_. How long had this been going on before you all decided to be so _honest_ and tell me about it?"

Kirk fidgeted. "Three months."

"Three months! Three damned months and you couldn't tell me?!"

"I told Spock to tell you but he didn't think it was the right time,"

Nyota laughed, "Oh, so you're just going to just put it all on Spock huh?"

"I thought he told you!"

"Oh, you thought he told me," Nyota smiled icily, "You didn't think it was suspicious that he was still coming home to me every night? That I was still carrying on like normal?"

"I just thought you were handling it well."

"Oh really?," Nyota gave him a knowing look.

"Yeah, really," Kirk agreed.

"Well, then, it seems like Spock played the both of us Kirk, you're just too stupid to realize it."

"He told me you all weren't--you know," he began.

"No I don't know. Maybe you should tell me."

"He told me you all weren't—messing around anymore."

"Oh yeah, that. I suppose my getting pregnant was immaculate conception too, huh? Oh please. We were still pretty damned physical until about a month before his little announcement."

Kirk blinked. "That's not true; you would have known, I thought you all had a telepathic thing going."

"You mean a bond? It doesn't work like that. Yes, we had a link to each other, but it wasn't a bond. Even if it was, I would have respected his privacy. I never would have gone too deeply where I was not wanted."

Nyota calmly began sipping her tea and watched as Kirk unraveled.

"But—But I would have known….you're lying….if he would have not told you…,"

Nyota shrugged and took a cookie from the plate before her. She nibbled delicately and he watched her.

"You're enjoying this aren't you?," Kirk told her, "You want to see me suffer."

"Actually," Nyota told him and sat her cup down gently. "Unlike some people, I don't like intentionally causing others pain."

"I don't lie to my friends. I don't use them, I don't manipulate them and I sure as hell don't sleep with their boyfriends," she added.

Kirk flinched again. "That was unfair."

"Really, what's unfair?"

"The way you're acting."

"And how am I acting?"

"Like you're miss goody two shoes over there. As if you've had nothing at all to do with anything that happened. If Spock was so happy why'd he leave? Can you answer that?"

"I can't," Nyota conceded, "And maybe you're right. I didn't fulfill some need he may have had. But I'm not telepathic. A relationship is about communication, and you all took away any options I could have had to try and make things right."

Kirk sighed. "He still loves you, you know,"

Nyota said nothing as tears filled Kirk's eyes. "I could sense it, I think. Every time we-," Kirk paused, "It didn't feel like it was just me and him. But I just thought it was natural to have some feelings for your ex. After all, I still have feelings for Gaila, even though she's gone. But it seemed a bit different, but I ignored it."

He looked at Nyota. "That's partly why I wanted to transfer you so badly. I thought that if you left, he could stop feeling anything for you. If I had you out of sight, you'd be out of mind. I did want to help you too. So, I thought it would solve everything."

"But Spock wanted me to transfer too," Nyota reminded him.

"Only because you were so unhappy. He thought that if you'd transfer, you'd get yourself together and you'd eventually come back."

"But you wanted me gone. Completely."

"Yeah," Kirk admitted, "I did."

"What did I do to make you hate me so much Kirk?," Nyota asked.

Kirk looked appalled. "I never hated you Nyota."

He rubbed his temples and sighed, "I just, I don't know. You were so damned depressed. I hated seeing you like that. I hated to think I was the reason. Look, you don't understand. You've never had to be afraid."

Nyota looked at him as if he'd suddenly sprouted wings. "What do you mean I've never been afraid? Fear is an emotion every living creature has including me."

"Nyota, people like you just because you're you. I've never had that. You're always so confident and competent no matter what you do. I've had so much to live up to. First, I've had my father's legacy to live up to. And I even had my own reputation to live up to. The farm boy that'll chase anything with two legs. Everyone wanted apart of the legend. But not me. It was never really about me as a person. So when Spock came to me--,"

Kirk swallowed convulsively, "It was nice to be wanted for me. But even then, it was hard for me to live up to the legend older Spock had built up in my head. So, I thought it would be easier to pretend that I could be that person if you weren't around, constantly reminding me about how I couldn't save everything or everybody."

Kirk smiled at her through a haze of tears, "As much as I care about Spock, I know you're the better person for him. And when you were made captain, I hated it,"

"I know," Nyota nodded.

"I hated it because you have it all laid out. Brains, personality, ability to lead—you don't have to work like I do."

. "Yes I do," Nyota contradicted, "I have spent years building my career. I studied relentlessly so I could be the best. Do you think it was easy watching everyone have fun while I was out studying, trying to get the best grades? It wasn't easy, but I did it because I've always wanted this. You didn't even really want to be on a Starship. You fell into this. If anything, I should hate that YOU are captain, but I don't."

Kirk was silent for a long series of moments. He sighed and looked off into space.

"Do you love him?," Kirk finally asked.

"I don't see how it's any of your business if I do."

"I guess that's fair. But are you—with him now? Are you--?"

"Am I what?"

"Sleeping with him?"

Nyota stared at him for a long minute before saying, "If I told you that I make love to him relentlessly, feverishly and desperately every night, how would you feel? If I told you that when I kiss him, I revel in the fact that he loves ME, how would you feel?"

Kirk gulped and looked away.

Nyota stood and grabbed her PADDs.

As she walked to the doors, Kirk cried out, "I want to know damnit! Is what you said true? Are you just putting me on?"

Nyota smirked. "Wouldn't you like to know? How does it feel now, Kirk?"

As she walked out she bumped into Spock as he was about to come in.

"Have you completed the analysis?"

"No," Nyota told him, "But I think we're done here."

He quickly went inside only to find a sobbing Kirk lying against the table for support.

His eyebrow lifted up slightly. _Done indeed_.

***********


	11. Chapter 11

*******

**A/N: I know that last chapter was a little heavy-handed for everyone, and for some, not clear with direction. So I definitely took your criticisms in consideration. I am working to keep the chapters in pace with each other. As usual, I own nothing, yada, yada, yada (insert legalese here). I do welcome constructive criticism, so please feel free to R&R! **

*************

The chill of the ship seeped into his robes and he pulled them tighter around him, nearly wishing for the heat of New Vulcan, with its hot blazing sun and warm expanse of sand.

"Computer," he ordered, "Increase temperature ten degrees Celsius,"

He continued looking out into the vastness of space, noting the thousands of tiny stars blinking in the still inky darkness.

He heard the chime at the door at briefly called, "Enter," before returning to his perusal of the space outside.

He turned momentarily to see Spock striding smoothly into his quarters.

"Elder Spock," he heard, "It is fortuitous that you have returned."

"That has yet to be seen Spock," he answered and faced his younger counterpart.

Spock's brow lifted slightly.

They were quiet a moment and Elder Spock inquired, "How is Nyota?"

"You may see for yourself," he answered, "She will be present at the tactical meeting."

Spock Prime's lip quirked for a moment before he spoke, "Spock, I was soliciting your opinion of her well-being."

"My—opinion?,"

"Yes,"

"I—believe that she is well," he ventured, "She appears healthy, she is laughing again, she is--much better."

"That is good," Spock Prime told him before asking, "But how are _you_, Spock?"

"I am well."

Spock Prime cocked his head to the side slightly and replied, "Spock, you and I are the same person, and I know that you are not well."

An expression akin to surprise crossed Spock's face.

"I—I have been having trouble controlling my emotions. Meditation has not alleviated this dilemma," Spock remarked.

"I too have experienced this," Elder Spock supplied.

"I do not understand why this is occurring,"

"It is called guilt Spock," the elder Vulcan replied.

Spock seemed to ponder his proclamation a moment and Elder Spock continued, "We have hurt the one woman that has truly cared for us. As we are partly human, these emotions are to be expected."

Spock let out a nearly unnoticeable sigh. "I—cannot stop thinking of her. She is constantly in my thoughts. My--feelings for her are quite intense. I had assumed that Jim and I--,"

"We assumed wrong. Some things are not meant to be. Do you love her still?"

Spock considered his question a long moment and replied, "I do."

The elder Vulcan nodded and he gave Spock a rare half-smile.

"Ah," Spock Prime remarked before sitting gracefully in a chair.

"Elder," Spock began, "Do you—is it your estimate--,"

"Do I feel that Nyota will take you back?," the elder self interjected, "It is not to one's advantage to speculate on the unknowable. The possibilities in the universe are vast and ever changing, thus, one must sometimes simply rely on faith."

"Faith?"

"Yes," Elder Spock confirmed, "I believe that Nyota's love for you is great enough that in time, she may forgive you and even join you once more."

Elder Spock stood once again and walked back to his place at the window and looked out into the starry depths.

"It is my sincere hope that Nyota will extend her forgiveness to me as well," Elder Spock's voice shook with sadness and Spock, confused at such a display of emotion came to stand next to his older self.

"Perhaps," Spock told him in an odd gesture of comfort. For a moment they both stood looking out into the cold, infinite and sterile beauty of space.

Elder Spock straightened and folded his hands once more behind his back. "I suppose it is time for the meeting. I am ready."

Spock nodded and the two walked outside into the corridor, each lost in their own thoughts.


	12. Chapter 12

*******

Nyota pointedly ignored them as Spock and his elder self strode in, their faces once more impassive and unreadable.

Starfleet officers from different sectors of the quadrant had already been assembled about the great table, their faces filled with tension and fear.

Captain Pike was standing next to a holographic projection and was talking animatedly, his voice stern but steady.

"They've taken nearly half the Gamma quadrant, we don't know where they come from or how," he continued, "The Q'uarians will probably be next. We're evacuating their planet as we speak, but this is simply prolonging the inevitable."

Admiral Clark, an older gentleman with salt and pepper hair and craggy features spoke up, "Captain Uhura, you are the only one to have had contact with them and managed to escape, do you have any ideas?"

"In fact, we do," she said and nodded in Spock Prime's direction, "Elder Saavrik and I have developed a plan, but it is dangerous and will require some of the best people Starfleet can offer."

"If there is a chance we can defeat them, I am all for it," a Telarian Lieutenant expressed, his antennae whipping 'round wildly in frustration.

"Well, Elder Saavrik and I," Spock Prime nodded at the mention of his alias, "Discussed uploading a virus to the queen's mainframe."

"The collective are a bio-mechanical species, they function similarly to onboard computing systems, disrupting their mind link with a coded virus will have to be done from within," the Elder Spock added.

"That's insane," another admiral remarked, "You all will have to get in undetected. We have no idea what their ships are like, or what you'll be up against. It's a suicide mission."

"Actually sirs," a smooth honeyed voice coolly interrupted, "I've obtained detailed information about their ship,"

Spock's heart rate elevated by 2.5%, and his breathing increased by nearly .03%. Spock studied what he was feeling quite clinically, deciding quickly that this new feeling was—dislike. He watched the Talexian hybrid stand up and upload the image, his movements graceful and cat-like.

"Dr. E'Lon," Pike said, "Please give us any information you may have."

"Certainly," he tapped a series of keys until a holographic image of a cube emerged.

"My team and I were able to obtain these images from a drone that Captain Uhura and her crew captured during the attack. The drone's nanite implants contained a series of dipolymythic relays, each pertaining to certain grids of the ship. These grids indicate activities carried out by specified drones, each bearing a signature of the perceptual interface of each variant, or rather, a visual image of each section."

He tapped in a sequence and several pathways were displayed each marked with distinctive markers, all leading to a central point within the ship.

"We believe that the central processing area, is located here," he pointed to an area of the screen and it enlarged. A series of tangled pathways were illuminated, with certain sectors glowing brighter than others.

"What is that?," Commander Regus inquired, her voice thick with wonder.

"That," E'Lon told her, his face marked with fascination, "Is the neuronal and synaptual map of the queen."

Nyota's brow wrinkled in confusion, "We're looking at her mind?"

"Not quite," E' Lon gently corrected, "But a trace, a signature, a homing beacon for drones to find her. Possibly connect directly to her with pertinent information or to be reabsorbed."

"Reabsorbed?" Pike questioned.

"Yes," E' Lon nodded sadly, "It is a sort of death for the collective. Once a drone is deemed defective, their neuronal pathways are downloaded to her mainframe, essentially their memories, ideas, skills and abilities are transferred to her, absorbed and added to her directory."

The room grew quiet as each person contemplated this new threat with growing horror.

"Well, that settles it," Pike said, "Uhura, I think you should lead the team on this one, unless anyone else has any ideas,"

No one spoke up and he continued, "So Elder, the virus, will it work?"

"Nothing is certain Captain," he responded, "Yet, I have created a copy of a virus that I am 99.93% sure will optimally disrupt connectivity. Once this is done, the collective will be unable to coalesce their workers into a defensive attack and we can disengage any and all weapons."

"But," Lieutenant Commander Gaines interrupted, her dark brown eyes wide with worry, "What happens afterwards? The disconnected drones, will they be—salvageable?"

E'Lon sighed, "Once we removed all the nanites from his bloodstream, the drone began displaying individualistic mannerisms, having likes and dislikes and now even refers to himself by his old name. I cannot be sure, but if this can be achieved in a matter of just three days, we can hope to save many of the individuals that have been captured."

"My biggest worry," Pike commented, "Is that there are more of these cubes floating around in space."

"Well," Nyota added, "Then there's little room for failure. If this mission is a success, we have a blueprint for any future encounters."

Pike then led the room in discussions of minutiae and other questions about final plans. It was decided that Uhura would be able to choose her team and once this had been completed, they would attempt contact and board the collective ship and initiate their plan.

The meeting was then dismissed. Everyone was talking animatedly and worriedly as they filed from the room.

Spock tried to speak to Nyota but was disappointed when a several admirals marched by, blocking his access. When they finally strode away he saw that she had slipped in step beside the Talexian scientist. With a smile, she let him lead her down the corridor. Spock felt his dislike grow.

********


	13. Chapter 13

********

The smell of grilled Oaxacan fish and spicy vegetables filled the air deliciously and Nyota smiled.

"Wow," she told Dimitri, "If that is as good as it smells then I'm sold."

He placed a dish in front of her and offered her a fork. She took it and dug in with gusto and purred with glee.

"Pavel warned me that you were a really good cook."

Dimitri laughed, his voice tinkling pleasantly against Nyota's sensitive ears.

"I should hope so, my mother was adamant that any child of hers would not be afraid of the kitchen."

As Dimitri took his place opposite her, Nyota found herself thanking the woman that had given this man his culinary skills.

"So," Dimitri said and gave her a beautiful lopsided grin, "I take it that you are enjoying it?

"Oh my goodness," Nyota told him, "This is delicious."

They ate in companionable silence before Dimitri rose to pour her a glass of wine.

"I was thinking that after this we can go to the holodeck."

Nyota smiled, "I think I'd like that."

As Nyota and he discussed various topics she was surprised once more by his intelligence.

"So you don't that Jennings' theorem is accurate?," she asked referring to the Ethno-Linguist who had been a major influence in Nyota's field.

"Well, think about it," Dimitri asked his face animated and excited, "If language is an inherent feature of post-mordial populations, this does not explain species that use non-verbal forms of communication."

"Exactly!" Nyota agreed, "You're like the only person who gets that. I mean really. What about the Tagolians? They communicate using only gestures and non-verbal cues and have managed to create a pretty sophisticated civilization. I would love to visit that planet. But I don't have D-security clearance yet. I wonder what's it like?"

"Well," Dimitri told her, "I can certainly tell you about it. I do not possess that kind of clearance either, but I did some research there about two years ago."

Nyota grinned, "I'd love to know about it. Is the underground waterfall in the northern sector as beautiful as they say?"

He smiled and then told her all about his adventures on the planet Tagol, some of the stories were funny and heartwarming, such as how he used the wrong gesture for "water" and instead ended up proposing to a tribal leader's daughter and was shocked to find himself nearly pushed into a shotgun wedding.

"That's hilarious!" she laughed so hard tears sprang into her eyes.

She was moved when he relayed to her his sadness when a fellow scientist and friend was killed during an armed conflict in one of the regions.

"Since that incident, I have not gone back," he told her.

She nodded in understanding and grasped his hand.

"Enough of these sad stories," he remarked, "I will fetch dessert and you will tell me more about Nyota Uhura."

"There's dessert?," Nyota chirped happily, her mouth already watering.

After consuming the delicious puffed pastry confection he had baked, Nyota found herself strolling along Elysia's black sands in the holodeck, two pale moons shining down upon her and Dimitri.

"I've never been to Elysia. I've always wanted to go."

"Well, here you are," he indicated the beautiful beach and trees as they swayed in the night breeze, "Though it is not the real thing, it is fairly close."

Nyota found herself walking hand in hand with him as they crossed the warm sands, watching as the large, iridescent night butterflies flitted across the sky.

Large pink flowers bloomed as she passed; releasing their perfume in the air and tiny animals scampered about, curiously taking in the couple as they sauntered lazily near the lapping waters.

They stopped beneath a canopy of blooming vines and Dimitri turned to her.

"Nyota," he said, his voice low and deep, "You are the most intelligent and fascinating woman I have ever met. And your beauty is unparalled."

Nyota felt heat rise to her cheeks and she smiled shyly.

In a trance she watched as his full lips came closer to hers.

_He's going to kiss me! He's going to kiss me!_ she thought, _He's going to…_

And then he did.

***


	14. Chapter 14

***

His lips were softer than anything she had ever felt. They were gentle and sweet, rubbing against her own like butterfly wings. She released a moan of frustration, her tongue sweeping across his lower lip, begging admittance to the sweetness inside.

He answered with a sweetly savage probe of his tongue against hers, questing the wetness of her mouth and sending quiet explosions down into her belly; she could have fallen on the ground from the pleasure. But he held onto her tightly, warm hands curled against her waist and deepened the kiss until she was breathless.

Desire rippled through her and into the deep, dark places she had almost forgotten, setting them afire as they throbbed with need.

_Too fast_…her mind screamed, _too fast_!

She broke off the kiss, her breathing heavy and hard. "I…I've got to get up in the morning."

He nodded, though she could see the sheen of desire across his handsome face and in the tension of his jaw.

"I will walk you to your quarters," he told her.

**********

"You what?!" Christine exclaimed shrilly.

"It's too soon!," Nyota told her, "I hardly know him and I'm just getting out of a relationship…,"

"Nyota Uhura," Christine admonished, "You told a gorgeous, sexy, willing man with an IQ the size of Venus and he probably has the anatomy to match, to drop you off at your quarters and you didn't invite him inside? Why?!," she cried dramatically.

"Well, I mean, I didn't want him to think I was _easy_, Chris,"

"Oh please," Christine rolled her eyes, "That idea went the way of the diaphragm. We're in Starfleet! We could die at any minute! Right now, there is a huge battalion of aliens that want to body snatch us and you're denying yourself what could be the last night of passionate, great, hopelessly wonderful sex, because you. are. a. prude."

"Am not!"

"How long did it take you and Spock to finally have sex?," she asked.

"Well," Nyota thought, "Um—about a year and a half--,"

"See! I knew it! Watching you guys get together was probably like watching paint dry,"

Nyota gasped and hit Christine softly with a couch cushion.

"You take that back! I thought Spock wanting to wait was sweet."

"Oh, yeah, I'm sure getting an instructional novel on beginning cardassian really worked well on those cold lonely nights."

"Well," Nyota pouted, "I mean I wanted to—but he was hesitant."

"Honey, any man that does not want to climb the mountain that is Nyota Uhura and plant his flag is a big fat waste of time in my opinion."

"_Please_," Christine begged, "_Please_, at least tell me the sex was good."

"It was—I guess it was passionate. I don't have any other frame of reference."

Christine gasped. "Spock was your _first_?!"

Christine gave Nyota a look of deep sympathy. "Oh honey, you've got to get out there. Experience life. And hopefully some really great sex with a guy with a big--,"

"Hey," Nyota warned, "We had some moments."

"You _think_ you had some moments," Christine corrected her, "If you were a virgin, you wouldn't know any better."

"Did Spock at least—you know," Christine pointed downwards.

Nyota gave her a look of confusion. "Um--what is that?," she giggled, "What's with the hand gestures?"

Christine rolled her eyes, "He didn't you know—show you that he was a "cunning linguist"?," Christine emphasized the phrase with air quotes.

"Cunniling--?," Nyota's eyes opened wide with shock and comprehension, "You are bad! Bad, bad!"

Christine smirked, "Well, I try,"

"Of course he didn't!," Nyota replied, "He thought it was unhygienic."

"That's it!" Christine proclaimed, "You are going to seduce this man or hell, let him seduce you, and have crazy, unadulterated back bending, on the couch, on the wall and on the floor type sex until your legs fall off."

Nyota raised her eyebrow mischievously. "Gee Christine, if that's what you and McCoy do, he shouldn't be so cranky."

"Ha!," Christine responded, "Shows how much you know. A starship full of gold guineas and a lifetime of "I Dream of Jeannie" reruns could hit that man on the head and he still wouldn't crack a smile."

They giggled and laughed until their sides ached.

********


	15. Chapter 15

********

Nyota spent the next several days going through possible candidates for the away team. This was a crucial step in her mission and she spent a considerable amount of time conferring with other Starfleet officers, looking over records and finally settling on the few remaining candidates.

She had decided that to not include Spock would be a bad decision. He was still brilliant and he had the skills she needed to assist in the mission. It was an generally decided by everyone that Spock Prime would be offered a slot as well, though, Nyota wasn't sure that was a good idea. Professionally, she couldn't risk both versions of Spock being possibly hurt or killed. But Nyota tried to fight an urge to push him off the nearest starship exit. She grimaced. _Where had that come from?_ She thought, and immediately began to berate herself for feeling that way.

Then she straightened. She had a right to her anger. Though, it was fading daily, she was still hurt by what happened. But she would never let her personal feelings get in the way of professional duty. She sighed. _Scratch that_. She let herself momentarily drift into a daydream where Spock Prime, Kirk and Spock were all being pushed down a jettison tube and out into the coldness of space with Kirk screaming and kicking, "It's not my _fault_!" and Spock Prime and Spock both yelling profanities for what _destiny_ had done to them. She chuckled evilly before turning to the task at hand. Okay, _now_, she would be consummate professional.

She picked through a few PADDs and made a few comm. link calls before taking a break. Her mind drifted back to the conversation she had with Christine almost a week ago. Since then, she had spent every available moment getting to know Dimitri—and avoiding Spock. She rolled her eyes at his attempts to corner her and speak with her the last few days. Yes, she told herself, she was evading, but she didn't want to think about Spock right now.

Right now she was thinking about the goodness that was Dimitri, the play of muscles rippling beneath his flawless skin, the way he held her hand and kissed it, his humor, his brilliance with almost anything technical, social or linguistic. She shivered when she remembered the way he had licked his Alorian ice cream, and winked at her, his eyes mischievous and smiling.

"I love a delicious treat every now and then," he teased her as he nibbled her neck before returning to his dish, "You will probably be delicious too."

.She shook herself. _Must not think about sex. Must not think about sex… Must not…_

Her train of thought was interrupted as Dimitri walked in, a picnic basket in hand.

****

"What's this?" she asked and he gently pushed away her PADDs and grinned.

"You have been working non-stop the last few days. So have I. If this is our last week of civilization, I think you and I should enjoy ourselves. So, I thought a picnic beneath the Kraelor sun would be relaxing."

Nyota laughed. "You really know how to spoil a girl. Be careful, if this mission goes off without a hitch, I'll be expecting this kind of treatment all the time."

His face grew serious for a moment. "Nyota, any man that does not treat you like the beautiful person that you are every single day, for lack of a better word—is an _idiot_."

She blushed furiously and he grabbed her hand. "Come," he told her and she stood and followed.


	16. Chapter 16

*****

The warm sun soaked into her bones and she delicately nibbled her food—a tasty dish of seasoned Crelian mushrooms, smoked trout and Relasian couscous with a side of refreshing melon. She moaned as he fed her his specialty "spiced cinnamon Baloran fruits" and he laughed when she had grabbed the fork and eagerly ate two more pieces.

"You're trying to fatten me up," she told him and he shook his head.

"No," he gave her a grin, "My mother always said that the way to a woman's heart was with great food and pleasant conversation."

"She was a wise woman."

"She was."

"Tell me about her," Nyota gently asked and he smiled.

"She was gentle, rather like you," he reminisced, "Her name was Lyanna. She had met my father while he was on a mission. She had been a slave to a Minician ruler when his team liberated her."

"Oh,' Nyota gasped, "I'm sorry I didn't know--,"

"It's okay. My father and mother spent many, many wonderful years together after that. Unfortunately they had no other children but I. She died seven years ago from an embolism."

"I'm so sorry Dimitri--,"

"Don't be," he smiled sadly, "After all, she led a very full and robust life. That is nothing to regret."

"Where is your father?" Nyota inquired.

"He is retired now, and writes books, mostly academic. He recently wrote a book on Pre-Glacian Frelian Societies,"

Nyota gasped.

"I love that book!," Nyota told him excitedly, "I've read it three times. That's the only book I could find on Frelian cultures. He's _brilliant_."

"I will tell him you said so," Dimitri chuckled, "But I don't think he will believe you. He tends to be a very humble person."

They lounged on the warm grass for a time before Nyota spoke. "Dimitri, if we don't make it through this, I just want you to know--,"

He silenced her with a kiss then he said, "Shh, don't talk so. Let us enjoy one another."

She said nothing for a moment and then broke the silence.

"I saw your request," she turned to him, "To be on the away team with us."

He nodded. "Yes, of course, I would be very happy to go."

She paused, a sense of disquiet growing within her.

"You want to go? You realize this is dangerous?"

"I have been on many dangerous missions with Starfleet. This will be no different. Besides, you need me there, I now know the ship very well and how the drones work," he shrugged, "Also, I have experience in combat. I can protect myself and my team."

Two sides warred within her. She felt her obligation to Starfleet but also a growing need to—keep him safe.

"I will be fine, _bella_, _mon petit cherie_," he assured her, noting the tension in her eyes.

She said nothing as she pulled him close, kissing him until she languid with desire.

******

**A/N: I have a feeling that sexy times are ahead….**

**Bella=Beautiful**

**Mon Petit Cherie= My little sweet (french endearment)  
**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: I don't want to give anything away, but if you are embarrassed by hot and heavy sexiness, be warned! Smut alert!!! :-)**

******

She watched him watching the holovid—an old Terran romance called "CasaBlanca."

He had assured her that it was a classic.

She had laughed, "Wow. You just keeping getting better and better. A guy that likes a good chick flick is fine by me."

She had giggled at his puzzled expression.

She took advantage of his distracted state to study him. He was so different from Spock. He was expressive, and though she had often assured herself time and again that Spock's lack of emotiveness was fine, there was something good about having someone that could laugh at her jokes. Though he didn't always catch on to her sly, cultural references and use of language, (he was not quite on board with her obsession with puns) he always managed to _get_ her.

He had his flaws of course. He hated cats. Nyota loved the furry little critters. He snored—Nyota almost giggled when she remembered how he had fallen asleep at his desk, mouth open, a slight line of drool pooling around his face and deep, loud snores reverberating about the tiny office.

She shook her head. He always left the toilet seat up when he came to her quarters. He was stubborn and driven, and yet—Nyota conceded, at least he could admit when he was wrong. Nyota rolled her eyes and sighed. Spock would never admit to being wrong about anything, especially when it came to matters of the heart.

She continued studying him, Christine's words pouring through her brain:

"_We could die at any minute_…,"

He turned to her, confusion and concern marring his perfect features. "What is it? Are you alright Nyota?"

She said nothing and instead proceeded to kiss, lick and nip at his lips.

*****

Dimitri slid his hands around her waist, his large soft hands skimming the small of her back and making her shiver. She could feel his warm breath against her neck before he nipped lightly, followed by a hot, wet, swipe of tongue. She reveled in his masculine scent and moaned as his tongue peaked slightly across the delicate skin of her ear and then gently suckled her lobe.

Nyota turned in his arms and found his mouth, feverishly mixing her breath and wetness with his own, and then lightly teasing his soft lips before once more plunging her tongue inside.

He kissed her like he was a thirsty man and she a cool, wonderful drink. He gently pressed her down into the couch and continued biting, licking and kissing the sensitive skin of her neck before touching the top button on her blouse.

A question was in his eyes and Nyota quickly divested herself of her shirt and bra.

_What am I doing?_ She asked herself. _What am I doing?? _She ignored the tiny voice and focused on his hands, which were now delicately kneading her breasts and rolling her nipples lightly against his fingertips. Her breath caught as he lowered his head and took one dusky tip in his mouth, suckling, nipping, teasing and tormenting. He turned his attentions to the other breast and then alternated until Nyota was writhing and moaning against him.

He kissed and tasted every available inch of skin; touching, caressing, exploring the smooth, brown valley and peaks of her body.

Nyota was dizzy with desire and was barely aware of her slipping off her pants and her underwear and tugging desperately at his shirt. She moaned when he finally pressed against her, skin to skin, kisses fast and frantic, skin dappled with a light sheen of sweat, scents combining and breaths merging. Teeth, tongue, wetness and smooth expanses of skin and sensation became her world. Her body throbbed and she could feel the sweet pooling of fluids gathering in the one place she so desperately needed him

He traced a path with his tongue from her neck to her breasts, and down to her smoothly muscled, taut stomach. He proceeded even lower, teasing and roving his rogue tongue along the line of her lower stomach and the top of her hips and fingered the dark triangle of hair below.

Nyota gasped and her body bucked as he moved lower and his tongue flicked out and found the throbbing pearl hidden in her depths, her thoughts were scrambled and she screamed in Turkish, Danish and finally in Klingon as he licked, sucked, and then rolled her delicate bud against his rough tongue, and teased her until she begged.

_Where in the world did he learn how to do that? _She wondered and quickly stopped caring as his insistent tongue thrusts became tiny nips and she clamped her legs around his head as the pressure became pleasantly intense.

His tongue slipped inside her, caressing the walls and pulling down her wetness as wave after wave of pleasure crashed down upon her. His tongue continued stretching, pushing, prying the sensitivity out of her until she was screaming, drowning in the scent of her sex…

Her mind became a blur as he coaxed another orgasm from her trembling body. She began thanking whatever gods and goddesses she could think of that created such a man with a talented tongue.

He pulled out his tongue and suckled her outer lips as tiny tremors of mini-orgasms continued to assault her and then finally dying down in a slow languid surge of pleasurable vibrations.

"Wow," Nyota remarked as her mind cleared and she recovered the ability to speak.

"_Wow_," Nyota repeated, "That was--,"

"Not the end, my love," he growled and she gasped as he stood, his naked body on full display for her greedy eyes. He was magnificent. He was like a Michaelangelo statue brought to life, with hard sweat drenched pecs, a hard taut and heavily muscled torso, his legs and arms were toned and rippled beneath his smooth skin and as Nyota looked further down….

His manhood was long, thick and slightly curved and seemed to pulse with a life of its own. Before she could think about it Nyota had crawled towards him and gently took his thick head into her mouth. She rolled it around her tongue and sucked hard.

He moaned and pulled away gently, "Nyota, if you start that, I do not know how long I will last,"

He grabbed her as if she weighed no more than a feather and she instinctively wrapped her legs around his waist. His face became strained and tense as she slid into her tightness.

He groaned and then plundered her mouth, his tongue mimicking his thrusts as he slowly slid in and out, teasing her and prolonging the pleasure. Nyota whimpered in frustration and began rolling her hips, eager to increase the pace.

His tempo quickened, his turgid manhood filling her up and hitting spots she never knew she had. He maneuvered her back against the wall and his legs were like pistons as he moved in and out her wetness, the sound of skin hitting skin loud and oddly arousing to Nyota.

Nyota murmured in a variety of languages and he whispered sexily in her ear, slipping into his native language. That strange feeling of pressure was building in her once again, coiling tighter with each delicious thrust. Her muscles were straining, pulling towards some undefinable goal.

Then he thrusted once, twice and then she exploded, stars and lights dancing behind her eyes, the pressure releasing in a cacophony of pleasure and fiery sensation. He thrust a few more times and then he too was moaning as he found his completion.

They collapsed onto the floor, both breathing heavily.

"Wow," she said again and he gazed at her wonderingly, "Yes. _Wow_," he echoed as they both stared at each other, eyes filled with surprise, contentment and amazement.

"That was--," he stopped, his mind searching for an adequate word before giving up.

"I know," she told him, "Me too,"

Then they chuckled as if they had an inside joke, and really they did. Two people who were so proficient with language and couldn't define the experience they had just shared.

"Maybe," she told him, "That was a fluke."

He wrinkled his brow. "You think so?"

"I don't know, maybe,"

"Well," he told her, "I am a scientist. It is only right to—repeat the experiment to see if we get the same results."

She nodded and smiled. "Sounds about right," and she jumped up.

"You've got to catch me first,"

He trailed behind her and caught up with her in her bedroom, and then proceeded to "experiment" with her for the next four hours.

Later, Nyota lay trembling beneath him, body still shaking from countless orgasms, breath heavy with pleasure, pleasantly achy and sore from their exertions. She smiled up at him and concluded the experiment was a success.

**********

**A/N: I know some people may be disappointed by the turn of events, but Nyota really needed to do some exploring and get in touch with that side of herself. **


	18. Chapter 18

*********

She awakened sometime later, wrapped in his arms, his breath brushing warmly against her ear. She turned and he murmured sleepily, pulling her closer to him and she lay for a moment, enjoying the sensation of her fingers against the hard muscles of his chest, his heart beating strongly beneath her hand and the innocent peacefulness upon his face as he slept. She wriggled beneath the heavy weight of his arms and disentangled herself. He protested, muttering in his sleep, hands roving before finally settling on her pillow as he rolled over.

She watched him a minute more before crossing to the closet and pulling on a nightshirt. She turned and resisted the urge to giggle as he snored loudly, mouth open and drool threatening to pool across the pillow.

She traipsed to the kitchen, singing softly, her beautiful voice flowing like silk in the confined area. She wasn't a culinary genius like Dimitri, and certainly wasn't going to try, but she was able to chop up and prepare a nice medley of fruit, along with a warm plate of Moldovian eggs, bacon and a few pieces of toast.

She gasped and then smiled when a warm pair of hands wrapped around her waist and soft lips nibbled at her nape.

"I should be cooking for you," he told her, his voice still thick with sleep.

"You always cook. It's time I took over for a bit," she grinned and turned, capturing his mouth in a soft kiss.

He helped her carry the food out into the living area, where she set up the holovid and they began to watch old Terran cartoons. She purred with contentment as they devoured the eggs, bacon and toast and fed each other the pieces of fruit.

He slipped a juicy piece of fruit between her lips and she suckled it. It disappeared into the wetness of her mouth and she licked the juice from his fingertips. She then took a turn feeding him and nearly moaned in pleasure when his tongue wrapped around her finger, he sucked for a bit, and then she removed her hand, angling for another piece of fruit. They repeated this for several minutes, desire growing in their eyes, hands becoming sticky with juice and their bodies becoming filled with a different kind of hunger.

The food was soon forgotten as he removed her nightshirt and she helped pull off his underwear. They stared at each other a moment, breaths catching as each took in the beauty of the other. Then in a dervish of tongues, a tangle of arms and legs, and the hotness of eager caresses, they made love again. He buried his face in the silky fall of her hair, breathing her in, and moaning her name over and over again as her tightness pulled at him, threatening to take him over the edge. He licked her neck and nibbled the soft, delicate skin before sucking hard. She moaned and found his mouth, where she could still taste the sweetness of fruit on his lips.

He began thrusting faster, and heat pooled inside her, pressure building to a crescendo. She raked her nails against his back and he groaned into her ear, telling her in several languages just how good she felt to him. She hovered a moment near the edge, his tongue in her mouth, his hands in her hair; and then he thrust hard, and she was reeling, spinning, falling into the powerful sensation of completion. He followed soon after and they lay tangled in each other's arms against the floor.

They looked into each other's eyes and grinned. Nyota kissed him sweetly on the lips and he smiled.

"We're never going to get any work done at this rate," she told him.

He gave her a lopsided grin. "I _am_ working. I am worshipping at the temple of your beautiful body," he purred and ran his hands lightly across her breasts and stomach.

She shivered and felt desire growing inside her once again. _Nope_, she thought, _we're __**not**__ going to get any work done._

And she was right.

************

By the time they emerged from her quarters it was over a day later. She feverishly completed many of the tasks she had left undone and by noon, she had confirmed with all of the candidates and all members of the away team had been selected.

She attended meetings, perfected strategies and in a flurry of activity was able to finally speak with Starfleet headquarters. They assured her she would have everything at her disposal.

Her day wound down and she found herself in the mess hall, grabbing a quick bite to eat. She was on her way to a table when she was intercepted by the one person she wasn't in the best mood to see: _Spock_.

_Damn_, she thought, she couldn't avoid him. After all, they'd be working together. She shook off her disinclination, pasted on a smile and nodded at his invitation to sit with her.

********


	19. Chapter 19

****

Spock studied her a moment as she dipped into her soup, eyes averted. Something was different about her. She seemed to be—glowing. Yes, he confirmed, that was the word. Her eyes had a—certain sparkle that had been missing since the day that he had left her.

He wondered at it curiously and before his mind could go further she spoke first.

"You're confirmed for the away team," she informed him.

He nodded. "I have spoken with Starfleet, they have informed me of my change in status. Have you spoken with Elder?," he asked.

She gave him a guilty look before shaking her head, "No, but he has been keeping me updated daily of his progress with the virus."

He took a sip of his plomeek soup and regarded her quietly. She was looking off into the distance and his ears picked up a strange sound. She was singing, humming lightly, some Terran song she used to sing whenever she was terribly happy.

His brow wrinkled slightly in confusion and deep down a feeling of dismay bloomed within him. He studied this emotion for a moment, wondering why he was experiencing it. Then a tall man with deeply set, bright green eyes crossed the floor, a plate of food in hand.

As he sat down next to Nyota, and her eyes lit up with barely contained joy, and he swept his hand lightly, so very lightly, against the back of her hand, Spock's suspicions were confirmed.

*******

He surreptitiously surveyed the Talexian scientist. He was aesthically pleasing and skilled at his work, but Spock was not overly impressed by his presence.

The Talexian spoke first, "So, Commander, how long have you served on the Enterprise?"

Spock finished sipping a spoonful of soup and fought the odd compunction to engage in combat with the researcher. His primal instincts were screaming, urging Spock to overtake him and claim his mate. Spock felt his back stiffen.

"It has been exactly three years, eight months and two days," he replied.

"And you were the one who drafted the subspace regulation process," the scientist smiled, "Impressive."

Spock nodded, "As I have been a researcher for many years and up to that point pioneered many techniques it was a natural process."

Nyota gave him a strange look.

"I have yet to hear of your work, doctor. What is it that you do?," he said pointedly and Nyota was looking oddly from Spock to the Talexian as if she was trying to figure something out.

"I do research at the Nexis BioMedical Research Laboratory in Prague."

"You are employed there? I was under the impression you were a—_lead_ scientist," it was a subtle, gentle barb, one that any common person would miss. But Dimitri smiled widely, knowing a pissing contest when he saw one.

"No Commander, I am president and founder as well as lead researcher within the facility. I founded the laboratory after I was given the Quartz prize for mathematics and physics. I decided my skills would be useful in conjunction with our space program."

The Quartz prize was the highest honor that could be bestowed upon any single researcher in the galaxy. Very few humans or human hybrids had ever been gifted with this prize. It was a very rare and unprecedented accomplishment for a man who was still in his prime.

Spock narrowed his eyes only slightly. "I believe that I have heard of your research. You worked with the investigation of neutrinos? Then you may have heard of the theory I proposed and pioneered."

"Ah," Dimitri grinned, "Yes. The correct displacement of the valence level response to energy arrays, yes, I have heard of it."

"I was successful in installing the Arturnian Process. As a scientist I am sure you are aware of its importance."

"Why yes. This is why I chose to work with the neutrinos in the first place."

Spock nodded, a small part of him feeling smug and confident.

"There was a fatal flaw in the equation which led to an increase in run off."

Spock's lips thinned ever so slightly. "That is a result that cannot be helped. The flaw was not fatal but instead a natural implication of the neutrinos themselves. Since you are not a subspace regulator, I am sure you are not overly familiar with neutrinos. That is to be expected."

Nyota's sensitive ears picked up the smallest bite to Spock's otherwise very friendly assessment. She frowned.

"On the contrary Commander, I was able to compensate for the heavy mass and instead created an equation that will mostly cause the valence level to become stable. It was a very interesting project. It will be covered in the upcoming _Galaxy of Science_ journal next month."

Nyota hid her mouth behind her hands, trying hard to stifle a chuckle. _Galaxy of Science_ was Spock's favorite journal. She was sure there was a copy sitting in his quarters even now.

Spock blanched the tiniest bit and Dimitri cleared his throat. "I am always eager to work with a fellow scientist, especially of your caliber, Commander. I am sure you will be a great asset to the away team."

"Yes," Spock replied. "It is my hope we can defeat this threat."

"I look forward to working with you then."

A short look of confusion passed over Spock's face before it was smoothed out.

"I take it you will be on the away team as well," Spock commented.

Dimitri nodded, "It is my hope as well that we defeat this threat."

Dimitri stood as his communicator chirped. "I have to get back to work. Commander," he nodded and then let slip, "Nyota."

She did not correct him but instead nodded as he stood and grabbed his nearly empty plate. He disposed of his waste and quickly made his way out the mess hall doors.

"You seem to be very familiar with the doctor."

Nyota had been busy watching Dimitri saunter out the door, "Oh," she replied, snapping back to attention, "Well, he will be working closely with us and I've read many of his father's works."

Before Spock could investigate further she stood up and said, "I really have to get to these reports. I'll see you later Commander."

Spock began attending to his now lukewarm plomeek soup. She had not called him _Commander_, with such ease in many years. It was—unsettling. He watched her retreating back, the feeling of determination growing as well as his dislike for the scientist.

********


	20. Chapter 20

****

Spock made his way to the combat training center, soundlessly walking about the quiet and mostly empty corridors. Most officers were not up and about at this hour and Spock took in the pleasant silence of the walkways. Once inside the center he quickly changed in the locker rooms and sauntered to the simulation room. He chose a simulated weapon, a long Mythracian fighting stick, and then went inside.

He was surprised to see the scientist there, his sinewy body laced with sweat as he jumped, swayed and thrusted his weapon, a long Cardassian scythe, at his computer generated opponent, a towering, growling Klingon warrior. The scientist was garnering hits, swipes and injuring his foe with graceful cat-like attacks.

Spock watched for a moment as the scientist continued fluidly moving, his body easily twisting away from his opponent's heavy swings, parrying and deflecting his hits, before diving in and inflicting a crushing death blow.

The simulation ended and the scientist turned to see Spock watching.

"Commander," he told him, breathing heavily, "I did not know you had scheduled this time slot. I'm sorry if I am interrupting."

"Do not apologize," Spock replied, "I did not pre-schedule my time here. I incorrectly assumed that there would be no one present at this time."

"You are more than welcome to join me Commander," he offered, "There is nothing like fighting a real opponent."

Spock thought a moment then nodded feeling his heart rate elevate, "I concur, that would be a more—promising engagement."

"Computer," the scientist called out, "Cue program 3145-Alpha."

Suddenly the two were in an arena, a simulation of a Greek coliseum. Thousands of people shouted and rallied above them, their screams and curses pushing them to fight to the death. Spock felt his primal instincts begin to kick into high gear.

"Shall we begin Commander?," he asked, raising his weapon.

"We shall," he told him as he raised his stick.

*****

They clashed, with Dimitri pushing Spock off-balance. Spock twisted and tried to recover and come back with a hit to the back. Dimitri saw this and quickly dodged the blow and followed through with a slice to Spock's forearm. It was a small scratch, and green blood bubbled to the surface, though the scientist was concerned, he stopped when he saw the look of fierce anger on the Commander's face. Spock could feel his blood fever rising up, the whisper of Vulcan madness rousing his primal instincts and causing him to want to _hurt_.

Spock quickly launched a series of spinning attacks, the stick slicing the air in a deadly arc and Dimitri gracefully sidetracked, using Spock's energy to follow through on a low kick and the Vulcan stumbled and fell, his lip now bloodied.

Spock sucked on his lip, his heart racing, his head screaming and jumped into the air, twisting to the right and launching the sharp edge of the stick, catching Dimitri's unprotected side. Red blood fluttered to the surface of his skin and Dimitri hissed. He touched the scratch and looked hard into Spock's eyes.

They circled each other, their eyes cold, hard, glittering and calculating. They were no longer scientist and Starfleet officer. They were sworn enemies partaking in a fight as old as civilization itself. They clashed again, grunting hard as they pushed, jabbed, kicked and swiped at each other, each drawing blood before stopping again, trying to assess the other's weaknesses.

"You and Nyota seem to be very friendly," Spock spit out, his characteristic monotone now savage and dark.

Dimitri came in with a flying kick and swung his weapon overhead. Spock moved off the side, watching as part of his shirt was cut and a piece fluttered lightly to the ground.

"Jealous, friend?," Dimitri smiled humorlessly and Spock came forward in a jagged formation, hoping to catch Dimitri off guard, but he correctly assessed the position of Spock's weapon and parried successfully each time. Spock growled and pressed forward, the two weapons caught each other, the sound clapping like low level thunder in the enclosed space and each weapon was raised in a stalemate, each man's face close to the other as they strove for dominance over the other.

They pushed and came apart, eyes throwing off sparks of tension and deep-seated male rivalry.

"I have never heard a first officer refer to a captain by their first name," Dimitri observed.

Spock's mouth quirked up in a rare and smug display of cockiness. "She and I have been _friends_ for quite some time doctor."

Dimitri didn't miss the intimation in his statement and chuckled as he rushed Spock with a diagonal kick and Spock dodged low and attempted to sweep Dimitri's legs from under him. Dimitri jumped, his legs spreading out in a perfect airborne split, and he tried to come down in an attack. Spock side stepped gracefully and Dimitri came down on empty space, tumbled and bounced quickly to his feet.

"Friends? Really? Why, she hardly talks to you Commander. I don't think you two have had more than one conversation the entire time I've been on board."

Spock hissed in anger and raised his weapon, throwing all his weight into his next attack. Dimitri's weapon shattered upon contact then disappeared as the simulation was thwarted.

Unfazed, Dimitri raised his arms and hands in defense. His body spread into a Talexian martial art offensive stance as he prepared to be attacked.

He didn't have to wait long, as Spock thrust his weapon forward. Dimitri bent backwards, the back of his head nearly touching the floor as Spock's weapon sliced the air above him. Quicker than Spock's eye could follow, Dimitri twisted to the side, using Spock's forward momentum as energy to carry through his blow.

Spock's stick shattered, disintegrated and disappeared.

They walked around each other, menacing like caged Terran tigers.

"I care very much for Nyota," Spock told him, his voice ragged and fierce, "As I am sure she cares for me. I would not want you to house hurt feelings if she felt the need to—suddenly discard your friendship."

"I hear _your_ friendship with her was so strong she left the ship and never came back," Dimitri smiled coldly at Spock, "I doubt my friendship will cause her to react so."

Spock's face became even darker with anger, a green tinge building in his cheeks.

Spock then came at Dimitri with a roundhouse kick to the face, and Dimitri scaled low and backwards the whoosh of air could be heard as he dodged the attack.

"Impressive," Spock told him a slight hint of haughtiness in his tone, "I always presumed the fighting arts to be used to face an opponent or an attack and not avoid confrontation."

Dimitri smiled and delivered as series of quick and almost imperceptible blows, clipping Spock in the face, drawing blood and causing angry green bruises to appear upon his face and body.

The next round of punches, kicks and hitting bordered on the dangerous as Spock increased the force of his attacks and Dimitri responded in kind.

Spock attacked, his blood pumping loudly, his breathing harsh and heavy and his head filled with the haze of anger and the need to spill Dimitri's blood. Frustration gnawed at him as the scientist matched him blow for blow.

"Nyota," Spock breathed out, his anger mounting, "Would never want to sever our ties."

"Is that so?" Dimitri told him, "They seem very severed to me."

"If you care about her," Dimitri continued, "You would want to see her happy."

Spock charged, his emotions making him forceful.

"I care for her," Spock told him, "You cannot know much about her, as you have just recently met her."

"I know she is a wonderful woman. And I know she doesn't deserve to be hurt. Perhaps you should stay with your Kirk, Vulcan. He seems more your speed."

"How--," Spock inquired.

"Who can miss the looks he's been giving you about the ship? Passionate, lustful, _saddened_ looks. It's not very hard to guess," Dimitri chuckled, "There's no accounting for taste."

Spock rushed forward, a look of utter and total brutality written across his face. Dimitri spun swiftly, and just in time, as Spock's fist came crashing into the wall beside him, splintering the tile.

Spock was breathing heavily, the fog in his head lifting and clearing. _What was he doing?_ _He could have fatally injured the scientist._ Feelings of guilt and remorse washed through him. He had let his emotions dictate his actions. He had nearly seriously _hurt _someone.

"Computer," he rasped, "End program,"

A look of intense shame momentarily crossed his face before stony impassivity took its place. Spock turned and hurriedly left the simulation room.

********

**A/N: This may be just a bit OOC for Spock, but he is experiencing a lot of emotions as well as the urge to fight for who he perceives to be his mate. **


	21. Chapter 21

********

Nyota dabbed at one of Dimitri's cuts with an antibacterial cloth and flinched when he swore.

"I can't believe he did this!" she cried angrily.

"Nyota," he grabbed her hands gently, "I am fine. We were just practicing, that's all."

"No you weren't. You were _fighting_," her voice quivering and she dabbed at another cut and he pulled back.

"Nyota," he assured her, "I'm okay."

She caressed his cheek. "But he could have really _hurt_ you," she told him her eyes shiny with tears and her lip trembling.

He touched her cheek softly, "I am more than capable of protecting myself. He would not have hurt me."

"I really should go and give him a piece of my mind. The _nerve_ of him!"

"I have but a few cuts and bruises, love," he told her gently and wiped away her gathering tears, "I am much better off than he."

She smiled and he continued, "After all, he has no one to look after his cuts and bruises, and I have you."

She kissed him softly on the lips and he pulled her closer and deepened the kiss. She tried to be careful of his injuries but could not reign in the rising tide of her desire. Dimitri's aches and pains were forgotten as he licked, teased and sucked her lush lips. They hastily pulled at their clothes and feverishly pressed themselves against one another, passion overriding their senses as they joined their bodies together, hot breaths and tongues whirling and mixing, moans and sighs reaching fever pitch as they sought their completion together.

*******

Spock Prime listened as Spock relayed to him the day's events, his eyes filled with fear and loathing about what he had almost done.

"It is quite unfortunate Spock, that this is occurring. You feel as if she is your mate, and as such you feel this—scientist is an obstacle. Vulcans possess very territorial instincts with mates, this is—a circumstance that occurs often."

He went about the room and lit the traditional incense for meditation, increased the temperature of his quarters and motioned for Spock to sit.

"Come, we will meditate together," Elder Spock told him.

Spock hesitantly sat. "Elder, I worry that—she will choose him. I—fear that she will never forgive me for what I have done."

Spock Prime nodded. "We have both done this grievous thing Spock. But perhaps this change of events is fortuitous. I have learned that the human mind is a very strange thing. Sometimes, in order to come back to a thing, humans must first move away from it."

"I must—give her time?," Spock asked.

"Yes," Elder Spock told him, "She will come to us when she is ready."

They sat in silence as they began to meditate.

**********

Nyota watched as everyone filed in, faces grim and determined. The time was near. They would be executing their plan in less than two days. Spock walked in his face stony as it met hers. Her mouth tightened in barely disguised anger before relaxing quickly back to its former shape. Now was not the time to hash out differences.

She crossed her legs neatly and looked around the table at the various faces. Everyone picked up their dossier and looked through the detailed information.

"Okay," she began, "Now that everyone is here, let's go over the logistics." For the next hour, she went over instructions, answered questions and made final additions.

For the last two days, Dimitri and Spock Prime had worked to upload various nanites with the executable virus. The nanites would carry the virus to every available part of the mainframe, disconnecting links and changing commands.

The catch, he told her, was that there had to be someone who could get close enough to the queen to inject her as there was only one dose available. Nyota had agreed she would be that person. Security had been alerted to possible breaches and a bypass strategy had been cultivated.

Sulu and Chekov had their own teams appointed. Sulu was utilizing several newly modified cloaking technologies. His team would cloak the ship and get them close enough to execute the firewall breach Chekov had created days ago.

"Zis will allow you all to board undetected. There will be extreme vertigo involved as it will upset the natural patterns in the brain involved with balance, but Dr. McCoy will tell you all about zat. Be sure to not reset your devices."

"Phasers will be on heavy stun," Nyota warned, "This is in a sense, a rescue mission, however, we are going into hostile territory. But since we don't know what we're walking into, use your judgment. Be aware that those aboard the ship will not act as if they need to be rescued and most likely will attack."

McCoy led everyone into the procedure for preparing physically for the mission, urging everyone to stop at sickbay within the next few hours to begin a regimen to offset the balance problem.

Strategies were discussed and final arrangements from Starfleet were highlighted, and all members were made aware that failure was not an option.

The meeting was adjourned and the officers filed out, their bodies rigid with stress and tension. Nyota watched as Spock walked smoothly out the doors, giving her a cursory glance before continuing on his way. Spock Prime merely nodded before leaving and Nyota stood and stretched.

Dimitri rubbed her hands and she smiled sadly. They too left the meeting area, their minds wrought with worry of what was to come.

*****

Dimitri and Nyota made love that night as if it were their last night to be alive, to experience the world as they knew it. And perhaps, it was. Afterwards they lay gasping for air; bodies tired and exerted, eyes wide with emotion.

Dimitri traced delicate patterns against Nyota's stomach and shoulder. She shivered deliciously at the sensation of his fingertips crossing against her skin.

"Are you frightened?," she asked and he shook his head.

"No,"

"You're not?"

"I am not frightened for myself, but for you Nyota."

"Why be frightened for me?," she asked her eyes alight with barely contained emotion.

"A life without a star is a dark one indeed," he told her and kissed her temple, his fingers skimming her hair.

"If we--," she began and stopped herself, "_When_ we make it, what do you want to do? I mean, is this just a—fling?"

Her heart thundered in her ears as she awaited his answer.

He smiled and brought her close. "I may be interested in a certain position aboard the Endeavor."

She looked at him in askance and he continued, "Nyota, being with you has been one of the best experiences I've had thus far. I would not trade it for anything."

Nyota let out a breath she didn't realize had been holding. "So have you had many long term relationships?," she asked.

"Once upon a time," he told her, "She broke my heart after leaving me for a powerful Cardassian. I thought I'd never to fall in love again. Until now."

Nyota did not know what to say, so she said nothing. She simply laid her head upon his chest and listened to the steady rhythm of his heart beating.

"When we go on this mission, promise me you'll be careful. Promise me that you'll be safe."

He tightened his arms around her and said, "I promise, love."

With that, she began drifting to sleep, her mind filled with promises of ever-afters.

*******


	22. Chapter 22 Part 1

*****

D-Day had finally arrived. The bridge was a flurry of activity when Nyota emerged from her quarters, crisply dressed in her uniform, looking refreshed and awake in spite of a long night of fitful sleep. Her face was hard and pulled into an expression of austere authority as she tried to fight the rising tide of anxiety within her. She walked with air of unabashed command as she took a place onto the bridge.

She nodded at Kirk, even as he scowled and hesitantly nodded back. She was not bothered by his pettiness this day, instead she was concentrating on the task before her. They engaged to maximum warp, with half of Starfleet behind them.

"We are now crossing beta sector, quadrant 4 captain, engaging warp field," Sulu called out and waited for the signal. Nyota nodded to Kirk and he stepped forward.

"Proceed," Kirk responded.

A worm hole opened before them and they rushed through it, translucent blue and green light surrounding the ship as they accelerated, racing through the fold in space amid temporal distortions, energy lightning and clouds of bilious gases. They finally emerged on the other side, stars twinkling around them as they floated in the quiet of normal space once more. The cloak was activated and residual power was diverted to engineering.

Before them was the cube, its gleaming, sharp and ascetic visage disguising the dark gatherings within it.

"Magnify," said Kirk.

"Yes, Captain," an ensign replied and Nyota could see the analytical lines of metalloids and the rush of light passing between the sectors of each grid.

"The cloak is holding steady sir," the ensign assured them and Nyota nodded. Spock came to walk beside her as they made their way to the transporter room.

Team members were assembled there already, outfitted with their devices and weapons. Two ensigns aided Nyota in strapping on her devices and she placed the hypospray at her side. She spied Dimitri against the wall, his muscles straining against his crisp white uniform and his weapons dangling at his side. He nodded at her and winked surreptitiously and she allowed herself a small smile before once again plastering a cool expression upon her face.

Everyone stepped onto the transporter pad, weapons on ready, bodies tight with fear. Nyota nodded to Chekov. "Commence," she said in a strong, clear voice.

She was traveling through swirling vapor, the transporter room disappearing and the shock of steel, metal, and punctuated tubes forming before her eyes. The stealth devices were activated and a gentle flash of light preceded them as they materialized.

But something went wrong. Their devices flickered and crackled, the pressurized fields of the cube pushing them past their limits. Nyota looked about her in horror as they became visible to the horde of bio-mechanical entities working in the vicinity. Nyota stared as hundreds of pairs of cold and empty eyes turned in their direction. _Shit_, she thought panickedly, _so much for the element of surprise_.

As if on cue, the drones assembled, weapons drawn against them and Nyota gave the signal for her team to begin firing.

*******  
"Get in line!!" she screamed, "GO, GO, GO!"

They ran in formation and her team struggled to secure the parameter. She watched in horror as three of the team were blasted, ugly burns appearing at their sides and chest.

"Three down!," screamed, "Engage maneuver!!"

Her team quickly divided, with the bulk staying behind, blasting as many drones as they could. The smell of burning rubber, metal and flesh assaulted Nyota's nostrils and she struggled not to gag.

Smoke began to fill the corridor and Dimitri ran beside her and her small crew of security, a holographic image swirling in tinted color in his right hand. "The queen is located in the sector below us. Make a left at the terminal."

Nyota nodded and signaled to her team to stretch out their formation as they ran. Drones rushed them, and they blasted them with phaser power. The drones at that level were unfazed by the settings and Nyota made a quick decision. "Upgrade phaser power, now, now, now!!!"

She hated seeing the humanoids turned into lumps of twisted black metal and burned flesh, but her goal was in mind and she was close, so close.

They made a left at the terminal and scaled the railing down to the lower level. A drone caught her by surprise and she was slammed backwards before springing up and grabbing her weapon.

Dimitri delivered a forceful kick to its data unit and it was momentarily stunned, it wavered and then dropped to the ground. Drones had drawn massive energy weapons, and began blasting them from behind. Dimitri dodged a blast and gave the drone one of his own, aiming for the unit at its head.

"Aim for the head!!," he yelled and Nyota shot at the nearest drone, destroying its data unit and it fell to ground, nanites rapidly decomposing it. Nyota turned away from the horrific sight, and concentrated on making a path to the next section of the grid.

She, Dimitri and her team ran full tilt across the corridor, coughing as fumes, smoke and the smell of chemicals rushed into their lungs. They dodged magnetic and sonic hits as the drones on that level began to awaken and attack. Nyota was soon joined by Spock and his team, and they all maneuvered down pipes and over twisted pieces of metal, before Dimitri led them down to the section below.

They met resistance from higher level drones, many of them protected by personal force fields that resisted their fire power. Several ensigns met their demise as they hit their targets full throttle, their phaser power bouncing of the fields and incinerating them.

"Damnit!," Nyota called out, "Reverse polarity!!!"

She reversed the polarity on her phaser, but the drones still kept coming, their steps echoing loudly in the metallic vault. She issued a few blasts and only succeeded in stunning the drone soldiers for a few seconds before they came back, weapons drawn, eyes leveled on them, expressions dull but determined.

One drone advanced, unperturbed by her hits, kicks and punches. Its deadened eyes seemed to bore into her and she struggled as it threatened to overtake her. One of her personnel pulled it off her, only to disappear as it dematerialized.

"Ensign!," she screamed.

_This is a damned bloodbath!_ she thought. Half her team was dead or captured and she still had not made it to the queen.

*********

Nyota rushed past the second sector, her remaining team members flanking the section, trying in earnest to harness in the drones.

Her blood pumped loudly in her ears as she blasted more drones, surprised when her phaser power took them down. The drones in that area were different somehow, and susceptible to fire power. Her team took advantage of their weakness and created a clear path for her to make it to the next grid.

Her breath heavy, and her chest burning from her exertions, she pushed past a drone with kick to the head and a phaser hit to his data unit.

She continued running, noticing that the pulsing green light about the ship was getting brighter and more pronounced. The walls were now made of a clear, reflective crystal, the light of the ship magnified and reflected across its sheen. Nyota rounded a console and shot down two drones, their bodies decomposed quickly and she continued ahead. Trotting forward she looked up, and high above her, resting amidst a network of clear tubes filled with glowing fluorescent nanites, her silver metallic eyes open and unseeing, lay the queen.

*******

Nyota quickly climbed the tubes, and looking below her, blasted six more drones as they attempted to climb after her.

Her arms ached and she nearly fell, but continued ascending. The hum of the ship was louder there and Nyota could feel the vibrations running through her body. She finally reached the alcove and skimmed the railing, gasping when she nearly lost her footing.

She clutched a beam and continued moving to the side until she was in front of the queen.

She watched the queen for a moment, ready to defend herself at any sign of movement, but she was silent and still. Unhooking the hypospray, Nyota reached out to inject her. As she moved forward, the queen grabbed her arm.

Nyota struggled not to fall as her foot slipped. The queen was painfully digging into the flesh of her arm and Nyota gasped painfully. She let go of the beam and threw her full weight onto the queen's body, before reaching into her scalp and unlatching several tubes. The queen screamed and it was a scream of many voices, rolling over Nyota's ears like thunder.

The queen released her arm and Nyota's grip on the hypospray loosened as well. It dropped a few feet away and Nyota unhooked a few more tubes before dropping down to a crawl. Nyota reached for the hypospray, straining to pull it from where it had fallen. But the queen had latched an iron-like grip across Nyota's ankle and began pulling her back.

Nyota managed to slip a few fingers around the handle of the hypospray and adjusted her grip until it lay firmly in her hand. Nyota allowed herself to be pulled fully backwards and up. The queen gripped and locked both her arms and Nyota bucked her head backwards delivering a hard hit to the queen's face. She heard the queen hiss and she kicked backwards, disengaging herself but nearly falling.

She got shakily to her feet. The queen approached her once more, her silver eyes cold and reflective. The queen reached out to grab her and Nyota twisted her wrist and used her own momentum to pull her forward before placing the hypospray against her neck and injecting her.

With a burst of strength, the queen pushed Nyota over the side and she dangled in the air, one hand clutched on a railing. Her sweaty hand could not get traction and Nyota soon felt herself falling to the hard metal below.

********


	23. Chapter 22 Part 2

******

Nyota's world was pain as she struggled to sit up, wheezing as she tried to take in a breath. She clambered gingerly to her feet and grabbed her phaser from the cold metal floor. Drones began surrounding her and she fired quickly, struggling to breathe. She could hear oncoming phaser fire as her team approached. She kept up a steady flow of phaser fire, watching as a few more drones disintegrated. She trotted to the middle of the section, continually blasting, noticing that the queen had already begun losing control of some of the drones. A few of them were no longer resisting. Some were walking as if they were disoriented.

Nyota continued rushing down the sector, blasting the many that still resisted as she came abreast of her team. Spock was tapping in a code into a console, hurriedly trying to disengage any weapons on the vessel as the nanites deconstructed or destroyed all the security barriers.

Nyota could hear the screams of the queen as she continued to lose control. It was a dark, deep, symphonic yell, a multi-voiced cacophony of anger. Suddenly, Nyota noticed that though some were not resisting, many were still beneath the queen's control and they were becoming more aggressive.

"Commander!," Nyota yelled, "Hurry!"

Spock turned, "I am working as efficiently as possible Captain," he replied and his fingers flew across the console as he continued to tap in a series of codes.

Nyota continued to back Spock, making sure he had the necessary time to disable their weapons.

"Now would be a good time to be done," she told him and blasted away a drone, barely missing getting hit with a sonic blast.

He nodded and continued to shut down power to their main weapons array. Part of the sector darkened and many terminals lost power.

He turned smoothly and he nodded to Nyota. "It is done."

Her team had made their way back to her section, many of the ensigns and security personnel were firing rapidly at the drones, trying to fight a path back to the upper deck. Nyota spotted Dimitri as he blasted several drones and kicked and punched a few more. They all made their way to the upper landing and quickly climbed up, disposing of the drones that blocked their access.

They pushed past a resistance line that included higher level drones. These drones were tougher and harder to fight. However, Nyota shot a few in the chest area and noticed they were effectively disabled as they stumbled, fell and were unable to move. "Aim for the chest!!," she yelled, "Move it people! GO!"

As they struggled past aggressive drones, Nyota heard the sound of the modules being activated. The ship was flooded in red and a countdown began.

"Damnit!," she heard herself curse and Spock raised a brow as he trotted beside her. "She activated a self-destruct mechanism! MOVE PEOPLE! MOVE!!!"

She and her team feverishly doubled their efforts as they fought to get to their original positions for beam up. Yet, they faced a strong line of resistance and many of the drones were still attacking.

They managed to push back the drones that were firing. She noticed they were slowing down, and her team ruthlessly pushed ahead, disintegrating any drones that stood between them and the platform.

Nyota looked back and could see that most of her team, including Dimitri, had followed behind her, assuring them of safe passage as they flanked their backs. Nyota noted that many of the others were not far behind.

They continued make their way to their original beam locations, the countdown winding down to a mere two minutes and 15 seconds. She pushed herself, legs pumping, body heaving toward the platform all the while screaming for everyone to _move_. She felt a hard pain at her side, stumbled, nearly fell and righted herself. She turned and saw a drone had unloaded a hit. She fired back and continued running, adrenaline masking her pain.

The countdown was continuing to wind down and Nyota was still screaming for everyone to get to the platform. She turned briefly; her eyes were searching for Dimitri. She saw him and a few ensigns holding off a group of higher level drones, hastily diverting the drones' sonic blasts.

Her communicator chirped. It was Chekov.

"I have to beam up now! Secure your location!" he yelled and she watched as Dimitri and the others disabled the drones, effectively disintegrating them before running towards the platform. He was running hard, legs like pistons, followed by the rest of the team. He stopped momentarily to help up a team member that had fallen, and Nyota yelled for them to hurry.

Nyota watched Dimitri as he came toward the platform, pushing the others to run faster, and helping any straggling team members. She was finally flanked by both Dimitri and Spock as they secured their original positions. The self-destruct countdown was loud in her ears, and she watched as several drones attempted to capture them. But it was too late. Chekov had begun energizing and they were beamed aboard the Enterprise just as the cube began to self destruct.

**********

It was over. Nyota breathed a sigh of relief as the transporter room began to form around her. She turned to see Spock looking at her, noting that his face held an unusual expression of concern. Dimitri was reaching out to her and she looked down at her side.

There was so much blood. Her uniform was soaked with it. She stared at it, aghast. She then wavered and fell to her knees. Dimitri was yelling for medical personnel and Spock had encircled her in his arms, catching her as she fell forward. Darkness threatened to overtake her and the last image she saw was of both Spock and Dimitri peering down at her, their eyes filled with fear.

*********


	24. Chapter 23 Part 1

****

Nyota felt as if she were moving through a thick, murky mist. She could feel the cold fingers of death pulling her down, deep into the abyss of nothingness. It was a place where there was no pain, no light, no feeling. There was a time she would have rejoiced in this; she would have gladly gone down into the dank, cold, hardness of that darkness, reached for it even, but now she wanted desperately to live.

She thrashed against the bonds that held her, determined to push through the encroaching numbness. She had worked too hard, worked through too much pain and suffering for it to be for naught. She pulled through layers, swimming through the ether and trying to find a means of escape.

She _fought_. The murky ether became light amber and she could feel the mist grow thicker and she grew groggier. Whispers of voices filled her and they soothed her, telling her to let go, to remember how much pain life meant to give. _No_, she thought, it was the pain that taught her how to live, to prosper. She would not let herself die.

She _would_ live. And not just to for anyone, but for _herself_. She pulled, pushed and kicked, trying in vain to reach beyond the darkness. Jagged splinters of light pierced the inky ether and she reached for them, willing herself to move through the ocean of nothingness and merge with the light.

*******

Spock sat on the floor, trying in vain to meditate and push away the swirl of emotions inside him.

He opened his eyes; they were tired eyes, and dark circles had appeared beneath them.

Though he needed less sleep than most humans he had not slept in the three days since Nyota had been injured and he had kept steady vigil, often beside her lover, willing her to survive.

He closed his eyes once more, thinking of all he had done. He had been selfish and cruel. He had selfishly decided he would follow what he had believed was his destiny. He had pushed her away and yet, expected her total dedication to him. And when she decided to follow her own path, he had conspired to keep her away from the one person who had dared to heal her.

He thought of the scientist--_Dimitri_, he reminded himself. Dimitri was not a—bad person. He cared much about Nyota, that much had been obvious from the tireless watch he kept by her bedside. Spock did not want to keep her from happiness. If her lover was what she wanted, he would not stand in her way.

Though, a feeling akin to pain wracked his body when he thought of a life without her. How could he have dared to live without her voice, her scent, her love? He had been—a fool. And now, perhaps she would never know how much she meant to him. He felt a sob threatening to escape from him. He had not cried since his mother had met her end on Vulcan. But as the tears escaped he let them fall, and did not fight the tide of emotion welling up within him.

******

Dimitri was afraid. For the first time in his life he felt genuine fear. That had always been his greatest flaw—he never allowed himself to really feel genuine, honest-to-goodness fear. He was a perfectionist that never dared to feel fear. Until he met Nyota. Then, he constantly feared for her safety, wanting her to be by his side so he could protect her, treasure her.

He had always thought that to fear was to be inadequate. He believed in facing the world with strength, courage and dignity, but vulnerability—it was a new and uncomfortable sensation. He had felt sadness many times, but fear? Rarely. And now he was afraid. Terribly afraid.

He had battled hostile aliens, jumped out of planes, scaled mountains, enjoyed the rush of adrenaline surging in his veins and had never once stopped to think if any of was worth the risk. It was a feeling that brought back memories of his mother's untimely death, of his own hidden feelings of inadequacy. With all of his accomplishments, his intelligence and his sense of vigor, he had been unable to keep his mother from dying, and he felt powerless in that he could not keep this wonderful woman from slipping away as well.

He felt as if he had failed Nyota somehow. If he only he had watched her back better, he thought, she would not have been hit by that drone. If only he had been _better_, he thought as he hung his head in shame. He should be able to help her. But he couldn't. All he could do was hold her hand and wish for her to live. He had always prided himself on the ability to do anything. Yet now, as he sat next to Nyota's bed, the tubes and machinery making her body look frail and small, he began to feel a sense of despair. He couldn't make her open her eyes, he couldn't _save _her. He held his head in hands and felt the sting of tears he hadn't felt in many years.

*******

Nyota was determined. She was strong. Yet, the tides were even stronger. They pulled her under, and the eddying current of the mist pulled her even deeper. They wrapped around her form and sucked the force from inside her. The rush and pull of her blood seemed to still in this place, and she felt cold.

Night appeared to fall in this between land and the ether changed; the skies became indigo dotted with slits of ethereal light. The lush swirl of darkness moved and pulsed and Nyota was held in its grip. She was alone in this place, pulling and pushing through the layers that held her, trying to find her way home.

********


	25. Chapter 23 Part 2

*****

McCoy's face was truly grim. He turned to Christine and shook his head. She burst into a fresh torrent of tears and he held her, unsure of any other way to comfort her.

He contacted Nyota's family and left word at Starfleet headquarters. After a long moment of thought, he rang Spock's quarters and then awakened Dimitri from his perch in the outer room. It was only fitting that she could be seen by the two men who meant so much to her in life. And it would be only fair for them to say goodbye to her before she died.

******

Spock Prime awakened quickly and pulled on his robes. The slight whispers in his mind that were Nyota were slipping away, and he could not hold on to them, could not keep them nestled safely in his mind. All thoughts of guilt and hurt were pushed aside as he slipped on his shoes and began to traipse nervously about his quarters.

Though, he did quickly wonder at how the choices one makes effects the outcome. He wondered briefly if he had not interfered in their lives, if Nyota would be here now, safe and healthy, and _alive_. But one cannot dwell on things one could not change. Yet, he told himself, that did not stop one for wishing for it.

*****

McCoy had never seen Spock's face look the way it looked now. He looked haggard and exhausted, and he could almost read the subtle expression of grief upon his face.

"She doesn't have long," he explained to Spock and Dimitri as they stood, shock slackening their features. Dimitri's shoulders had a slight tense stiffness to them and McCoy looked past them to the other room before continuing, "Her blood pressure is falling, her pulse is weakening. The damned drones hit her with something we can't cure or fix. I'm sorry," McCoy wasn't big on comfort, especially when he needed it himself, so he turned and walked away, leaving them alone.

Dimitri and Spock looked at each other, once rivals for Nyota's affections, and now they were united by pain and loss. There was no bitterness or hatred between them as they turned and walked into Nyota's room together.

********

Nyota had never fought as hard as she was doing now. She doggedly swam through the currents, locking out the voices in her mind. She would _not_ let go, she would _not_ let herself be pulled into the rising darkness around her. She had too much to live for. There was time she would not have agreed with that statement, but now, she knew this to be true. She continued pulling past the hard currents and then saw a break in the distance.

She redoubled her efforts, determinedly pulling herself forward, and she finally stood on shores of her mind. The road before her was winding and long and she sprinted down its circuitous route, hurriedly rushing to the end.

***

Spock and Dimitri both gasped slightly as Nyota's hands tightened around their own.

"Did you see that?" Dimitri asked Spock, and he nodded, "I did."

Then Nyota's body began to convulse, her eyes rolling back and forth quickly behind her closed eyes, and Spock and Dimitri looked at each other with fear, not quite knowing what was occurring.

"McCoy!," Dimitri yelled, "Get in here!!"

McCoy and his personnel pushed Spock and Dimitri to the side as the machines burped, bleeped and sent readings faster than the monitors could process.

"Damnit!," McCoy screamed, "I can't get a clear read on this,"

"Code 5! I need everyone on hand here!" McCoy cried his hands flying across instruments and panels. More personnel ran in to assist him.

"What is going on?!," Dimitri yelled his voice thick with tears, "What's happening to her?!"

"Damnit, I'm a doctor not a psychic! Get them out of here!"

Security shuffled Dimitri and Spock out of the door and into the corridor outside.

***

Nyota could see the world around her grow lighter and the path dipped, bowed and then—she could see the end in front of her. She continued running, jumping over twisted reeds and bracket, and puddles of inky darkness that lay her in way. She could feel warm light washing over her and she pushed herself even more, spilling over the edge and into oblivion.

*****

"Stabilize her damnit!," McCoy yelled to his staff. They fought hard to bring her heart rate down to a normal level, but it was off the charts. Almost as if she was engaging in some sort of high endurance physical exercise—as if she were—_running_. It didn't make sense. McCoy was on the brink of giving her a double shot of dopamine inhibitor, just to slow her heart down, when she suddenly, inexplicably, opened her eyes and gasped hard.

****

She was disoriented at first, the bright light of sickbay hurting her eyes and her brain was foggy and dazed. Everyone was surprised, shocked even, but no one could fight the rising tide of happy elation that abounded. Even McCoy looked as if he wanted to smile. Her readings started to come back to normal over the next day or so and she sat up alert, looking around.

Christine visited her a few times, thrilled that Nyota was communicative, alert and well—_alive_.

Finally Spock and Dimitri came to her, one on each side of her, holding one of her hands. Nyota looked at them, puzzled. They were actually being _courteous_ to one another. She was then mildly shocked, but secretly pleased.

"Hello, beautiful," Dimitri told her.

"Yes," Spock remarked, "Hello _ashayam_."

She looked from one to another and smiled.

*********

**A/N: I know there was a lot going on in these last two chapters, but I wanted to portray how her being injured affected everyone around her, making them really think about the choices they may have made or regret. **

***(Ashayam-beloved)**


	26. Choices

Nyota hummed as she packed, happy to finally have something to keep her hands busy. She sighed. She had been going stir crazy the last few days, used to long hard hours of work, of days spent filing reports, or dealing with headquarters. But now, she had to _heal_. Healing entailed all the most trivial pursuits imaginable and Nyota had been so _bored_, she had wanted to rip her hair out.

Dimitri helped to ease the strain. He was often there at her quarters, catering to her, aiding her with any little thing. Yet even he had work he had to complete. Now that she was almost up to speed, she had pushed him out the door so that he could complete his own tasks. And now, she was totally, undeniably, bored out of her mind.

Nyota took the time to reflect a bit. Though she had lost many good people on her mission and nearly succumbed to her own injuries, the mission had been a success. And now, she was supposedly a _hero_. She rolled her eyes in irritation. At least, that's what everyone had been telling her. As if she had been the only one responsible. Everyone wanted interviews, wanted to shake her hand, and Starfleet was touting her as the best thing that had come along since the warp drive.

As she continued packing some of her things, she felt a wave of sadness overcome her. The last few weeks had been eye opening for her and she was reluctant to leave. Yet, she had a ship to go back to, and she wanted nothing more than to get back to work.

The steady sound of the chime interrupted her thoughts and she smiled. She hadn't been expecting anyone. _It's probably Christine_, she thought and smiled. Her friend had been on the warpath the last few days, adamant that Nyota not do anything even _resembling_ work. She had been visiting constantly, pestering her with questions about her health, trying to make her comfortable. Nyota shook her head and chuckled. Christine was just being a friend. She called out gaily, "Enter," and turned back to packing a bag.

When she turned, Spock was standing there before her, eyes heavy with emotion.

******

She looked at him in surprise. She had not seen or spoken to him since she was last in sickbay.

"Spock I'm--," she began, only to find that he had enveloped her in his arms.

"Nyota," he began his voice laced with barely concealed sadness as he ran his fingers through her hair, "I am—grateful that you have survived. I do not know what I would have done if you had—succumbed. I realize that I care for you far more than my past actions have shown. If it was within my power to take back everything I have done, I would do so."

Then he stepped back and Nyota stared back at him agape, her mind searching for a response.

"Nyota, I love you more than words can properly express. Seeing you injured was the most—trying time I have ever had to experience. And though you may never forgive me, I am truly sorry for any wrong I have done to you."

He dropped to his knees before her, his eyes filled with sorrow and pain.

A hard expression of regret crossed his face for a moment. "I was—_selfish_. I am sorry Nyota. It is my fault we lost our child—it is my fault that you nearly died--,"

Thunderstruck, Nyota stared at him a long moment, then gently urged him to his feet and led him to her sitting area.

They sat and Nyota was shocked to see a line of tears coming from his eyes.

"Spock," she told him strongly and crossed her arms, "A lot of things happened because of you, Kirk, and Elder Spock's selfish actions. But losing our child was not one of them. And my getting injured isn't your fault either. Things just happen sometimes."

He nodded, his tired eyes emitting emotions and sadness clearly written upon his face. She felt herself soften. He pulled Nyota close and placed his forehead against hers. She could feel a whisper of the deep emotions inside him and when he kissed her she did not pull away.

*********


	27. Decisions

His kisses grew more fevered and insistent. He had never kissed her like this before, with such unbridled intensity; she could feel the desire rising between them, hot and heavy. She pulled back reluctantly. "Ashayam," he said, his eyes questioning.

"Spock," she said, "I—love you. I probably always will. But—I can't do this."

"I mean, you had an affair for _three whole months _before you even told me!," she told him angrily and he bowed his head in shame.

She continued, "Why Spock? Why did you hurt me?"

"Nyota, when Elder Spock melded with me and showed me the love he and Kirk possessed in another timeline, how very—_passionate_ it was, I realized that we had many missing elements in our relationship and I--,"

"Spock, I would have worked to make our relationship better!," she told him angrily, "You _know_ that! If you hadn't spent so much time trying to make me into the perfect Vulcan mate, I could have given you what you needed, I tried to make things more passionate, but you wouldn't let me--,"

Spock held up his hand and interrupted her, "I know, _ashayam_. The failing was mine. Yet at that time, I did not know if _I_ could make things better. I had already done considerable damage to our relationship by--selfishly seeking to control every aspect of it from the very beginning; and in my—haste to become more Vulcan, I disregarded my humanity and yours as well."

Nyota nodded and looked up at him, seeing him with new eyes.

"I did not want to feel passion, lust or desire for you, although," he assured her, "It was there, and very much so, _ashalveh_. I did not want to allow those emotions to be apart of our relationship. I wanted to hide from those things which are considered taboo and barbaric in my culture."

He wrapped her hands in his. Nyota did not remove her hands, instead she squeezed his gently.

"Why didn't you talk to me?," she inquired, her eyes soft with emotion.

"I—thought you would think less of me," he admitted.

"Oh, Spock," she said shaking her head, "If all you wanted was a little passion in your life, you didn't have to do what you did. You could have talked to me about it. I would not have thought any less of you."

He nodded and they both were lost in their thoughts for a time, each thinking of what could have been.

Then he turned to her, kissing her gently before pulling away.

She gazed at him sadly.

"You know Spock, even though I really love you, sometimes love just isn't enough,"

She continued, "And right now, everything is still too fresh," she continued, "And I have been building my entire life around _you_. Now, I want to see what else is out there. Live my life for _me_. I would really like to see where things go between me and Dimitri."

"You like him," Spock stated sadly.

"I do."

Spock nodded, and then gently caressed her cheek. "Ashayam, I--understand your decision. And I want only for your happiness. But I know that your love for me runs deep. You will return to me."

Nyota cocked her head to the side, "How can you be so sure?"

He nearly smiled. "Someone once told me that one must sometimes rely on faith. Nyota, I can even sense your love for me in your kiss. I will wait for you. And one day, you will come for me."

Nyota did not speak. Perhaps he was right. Maybe one day she would come back for him. But if she did, it would be on _her_ own terms.

She let him press his forehead against hers once more. He listened to the sound of her gentle breath and took her hand in his, and enjoyed the coolness of her skin against his.

******

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed this. Please R&R! I still have a couple of chapters coming. **


	28. Her Story

Nyota had said her goodbyes, her eyes teary, her breath caught in her throat. She would miss her friends. Perhaps she would see them soon, if her ship were in the vicinity she could rendezvous with the Enterprise. Dimitri had already gone, meeting up with his team to make last minute preparations before coming aboard the Endeavor. Everyone had come to see her before she left, even Kirk had come to her, giving her an awkward handshake and then a stiff hug.

"I'm glad that you're—you know, not dead," he told her, blushing furiously.

She looked at him hard, trying to feel the hatred she had nursed for so long, but she could only feel—pity. He was incredibly flawed. She only hoped he would grow from his experiences and become the man he was meant to be. She had surprised him by smiling and saying, "I'm glad too. I hope you have a nice life Kirk."

He smiled back and then an ensign had tapped him on his shoulder. When Nyota saw the look of lust, amazement and affection Kirk was giving the young Andorian, she could only smile and hope this latest entanglement would not be one mired in hurt and pain and that Kirk would know the joy of truly loving someone.

She had made her way back to her quarters, not expecting to see Spock Prime standing at her door. She bid him welcome, and he came in, his eyes betraying deep emotion.

"Nyota," he told her his lips quirking up, "It appears that we are always saying goodbye."

She nodded, "I suppose so,"

He said nothing for a moment and then said, "No words are adequate in describing my sincere and utmost apologies, Nyota. You may lay the blame for everything which has occurred at my feet."

She looked at him a moment her eyes narrowing. "It is your fault. All of it," she told him angrily, "You have intervened in the lives of three people! You have done nothing but scheme and connive and for what?! Just to recreate some life you _used_ to have?!," she told him sternly.

"Nyota, I--," he began, his voice wavering.

"No. Let me finish," she interjected, "I hope this has taught you well. I was _so_ angry. So _hurt_. I let it eat at me, day after day, tearing me down, wearing me out until I was only a shadow of what I used to be."

A tear journeyed from his eye and down to his craggy cheek and he did not brush it away.

"But--," she paused, "I grew from that. It made me strong. Perhaps if you hadn't interfered, I would still be in an unfulfilling relationship, in an unfulfilling career position, never knowing where the possibilities lay. For that, I am grateful," she told him.

He looked at her, shock racing across his face before he composed himself.

"That doesn't ever excuse what you did, and I hope you live with your actions for the rest of your life, knowing the hurt you've caused. But I'm no longer bitter, I'm no longer as angry."

He reached out to her and momentarily grabbed her hand and she allowed this.

"I never realized how strong I was until now. I thought I was supposed to be the support structure for everyone else. But I know now that I am my own woman. This is my story _Spock'h_," she told him and gently removed her hand from his, "And I will be the one to tell it. Not you, not Spock and not anyone else."

"Do you--," Elder Spock began, his voice soft with fear, "Do you forgive me?"

She shook her head and he took in a breath, "No. Not right now. But everyday, I forgive you a little. I think that in time, I will."

He nodded, pleased at even this little concession.

He stood for a moment, taking in Nyota, noting that the woman who stood before him was so different from the one he had known over a year ago. This woman was strong though embattled, scarred but not broken, and unafraid of creating her own way.

This woman was not the Nyota of his old universe, but for that, he was glad.

*******

**A/N: Special thanks to everyone who read, commented and came along with me on this adventure. I am so, so honored and happy! Also thanks to smithsbabe65 for helping me to dish out "the business"! LOL. ;-)** ** I may do an epilogue or even a set of stories dealing with what happens after so there may be more to come!**


	29. Epilogue Part 1

****

Nyota awakened to the feel of strong arms wrapped around her and she smiled. Her wedding day had been a beautiful affair, and the honeymoon was just as lovely. She reflected on the last few days, remembering the proud grins and happy smiles of her parents and friends, of Christine catching the bouquet and McCoy's look of terror when she had smiled and said, "We're next!"

She snuggled into the arms of the man she now loved and gazed at his sleeping face. Dimitri had looked so dashing and handsome in his tuxedo. Her breath had caught in her throat when she saw him standing at the altar, his face awash in love and rapture.

She untangled herself from his arms, got out of bed and walked through the lavish suite. She tiptoed to the living area and then saw that her comm. link was blinking. She paused. She then pressed the glowing button and watched as Spock's face filled the screen. A part of her was comforted by the familiar planes of his austere face. Yet, she always felt a bit guilty about watching his messages. It felt—wrong somehow.

But he never stopped sending them, and never stopped asking about her life. For a long while she simply deleted his messages, ignored them even. Yet as she sat looking at his face, she thought it only fair that he knew…so she quickly sent him a message, greeting him and then filling him in on her life. She then sent him the holos of her wedding and expected to never hear from him again. A wave of sadness rushed through her at this thought, but she simply disconnected the line and returned to bed.

*******

Nyota was surprised to find a message from Spock waiting for her the next day. He informed her of the happenings in his life and he congratulated her on the wedding. He even seemed—happy for her. He urged her to continue communicating with him and even bid Dimitri hello. She was surprised at this, and found herself ringing him on the ship, pleasantly and freely conversing with him as she had once done at the academy.

****

Nyota stared down at the baby in her arms. She was beautiful. She had her father's green eyes and Nyota's dark, curly hair and smooth brown skin tone. She felt so perfect and small as she lay nestled in her mother's arms. Dimitri walked by them, pausing to grace Nyota and his new daughter with light kisses, and crooning to the tiny girl before him then proceeding to the other room. Nyota had never felt as happy as she was at that moment. Yet, later, when the baby was fast asleep upon her father's chest, and the house lay quiet and content, as she sent Spock the vids of her firstborn child, a tiny bit of fear creeped inside her, sure that this would be the end of their budding friendship.

Days later, when she received a large crate of soft, plush toys and expensive baby clothes from Spock, she was—touched. She quickly sent him a message, thanking him for the wonderful gifts she had received.

****

Spock never mentioned any love interests whenever they spoke, yet Nyota supposed they were there. She tried asking him; only to find he would smoothly change the subject and evade. Nyota quickly dismissed her questions, assuming that this meant he did not feel comfortable speaking to her about such matters. She supposed it was only fair. After all, they were no longer lovers; she was simply a long distance friend he had kept in touch with over the years. And Vulcans by nature were private people, she reasoned, it was not her place to ask. Although, she hoped he was happy with whomever he had chosen to share his life.


	30. Epilogue Part 2

****

Spock waited for Nyota. Though he saw holos of her wedding with Dimitri, he still waited. He made the effort to speak with her at least once a month and was constantly updated on her life.

Even when she grew round and heavy with his child, he still patiently awaited her return, rejoicing in the soft glow of happiness surrounding her.

He was not at all jealous or angry when she sent him vids of the child after she gave birth; instead he was enraptured by the beautiful baby girl that looked so much like her mother. He even sent her gifts for her baby, and was pleased beyond all measure when she sent him a message thanking him profusely. She gave birth to other children, and he watched them grow up over the years, through vids, uplinks and messages, he felt as if he had been given permission to partake in something wonderful and cherished. He even attended her eldest child's graduation from Starfleet Academy, feeling as proud as if she were his own.

He helped her mourn when Dimitri succumbed to a heart condition at the age of 65. He spoke with her often, getting her through her grief. He was there when she finally retired from Starfleet three years later. And it was then that she came to him.

His love now had graying temples and a wizened face lined with wrinkles. Yet, to Spock, she was as beautiful as the day he had first saw her, racing across the academy's campus. And even now when her body was older and softer, he found that she still stirred his desires and when he kissed her it was as if time had stood still.

Her brown eyes still had the determined twinkle of her youth and as he gazed into them, he knew no greater happiness.

"You waited for me?," she asked and he nodded.

"All this time and you _waited_," she said again, amazed, then gave him a guilty look, "I didn't think you _meant_ it! I thought you would eventually move on and find someone…,"

His lips gently quirked up, "Nyota, all these years, there has only been you in my heart, and in my mind," he told her.

She smiled a bit then said, "Spock, you didn't have to wait for me,"

"Yes," he told her, "I did."

"A foolish mistake cost me your love and your trust. To lose such a thing was—devastating. Waiting for you was nothing in comparison," he continued.

And when he kissed her, it was filled with all the passion, desire and lustfulness he had denied himself in his youth. He held her hand and walked with her in the moonlit gardens, content that his lost love had finally returned.

****


End file.
